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First Run 1967 O N O N . A L W A Y S . Number 2463 Sept 15, 2014
A Scottish Choice
Introduction
It is this time of year again when some poor bastard is given the task of entertaining you bastards each week. Although this time, it will be a very onerous task given the literary genius’s that have preceded this On Sec including the prose of the titillating Tic Toc, Changi’s brilliant and salacious diatribe and Major Disasters the best of British comedy that follows in the footsteps of Trevor Sykes, Monty Python or Carry On characters like Sid James and Kenneth Williams.
This On Sec will try to get back to simplicity and some sense of decorum with some history, quotes of the day and maybe a tinge of smut to get the reader aroused. (Needless to say you might need it occasionally at your age)
We will also add some new segments which no doubt will be reviewed and shit canned by such is the lot of the humble On Sec. We also hope to keep this short and sweet realizing that as you approach your elderly years your attention span maybe not as good as it used to be!!
Enough of the bullshit and on with the Run Report in the year of 2014
The Run Report – never to be repeated again!
The moderately sized pack gathered in the Cowles Road Car park to anticipate a cunningly planned run by Your Choice and the Flying Scotsman. Some of the old committee comprising of Jungle Jim, Music man ,Kitty et al were decidedly taller and happier as they looked upon new president PeeDub and his followers with great sympathy knowing the
long tortuous road ahead for the new kids on the block.
As the packed gathered it was observed that Ayatollah was chatting up one of the many yummy mummies in the car park using his kayak as a decoy to start up a conversation – to no avail as she asked the embarrassed hashman whether his nursing home was nearby. The younger and fitter Spud following in the footsteps of the ever observant Moishe, was fastidiously studying his maps to ensure that the first run of his trail mastership was executed to perfection.
Scotsman was also observed scurrying under the cover of darkness with his newly acquired supermarket trolley to add to his addition of vehicles garaged nearby. The pack led by Little Shit, Super and Kitty were off through the Coles car parked as shocked shoppers
thought there might have been a mass breakout from the nearby vacated lunatic asylum which is known for its patients getting dressed up in running gear and yelling an unintelligible words to the sound of a horn.
Runners and walkers then went down Flagstaff Street however it was noticed that a mysterious man in black appeared to join the pack. Was it batman, was it an ISIL interloper or who was it – it was then on closer observation that it was non- other than Calici in his long sleeves camouflage gear giving a trial run for the night!
The pack was going well and Spud’s repertoire on the horn bringing back recent memories of one of the great horn players, Irish Connection who has vanished into the forbidden territory, known as Moocher land.( a bit like Avatar but with Norfolk pines).
The walkers were well on trial led by our fearless leader Peedub, Jack the ripper, Foxface, Polly Unsaturated as the pack passed the old funny farm on Victoria Road then down to Hillcrest Avenue to a check in Massey Park. It was at the intersection of Gladesville and Augustine that the runners and fast walkers led by Super, Music, Nautilus, Jungle Jim, Kitty, Foxface and Moishe led the runners along the Riverglade reserve to a check at the board-walk. Jack the Ripper joined the runners pack after refusing to take the easy option of the walkers trail readily taken up by the Gladesville inmates who were previously observed going through the car park.
There was some confusion to find the check however a wayward driver inadvertently thought Nautilus was target practice, as his is naval tradition who, at the prospect of a direct hit, hightailed it to the footpath only to stumble on one of Scotsman’s frugal arrows.
Trailmaster Spud was going extremely well at this point on his inaugural run as he led the pack up Manning road with Grape and Smiley at his heels. With a confusing check at Salter Street the virgin trailmaster’s dream run came to a sticky end. Grape said one way (based on his PNG map reading skills) and the trail master another. Back and forth we went until with true leadership skills of the the trail master led the way along Victoria
Road.
It is at this point the troika of Spud, Grape and Smiley lost contact with the pack and the On Sec’s observations of the run was limited to the intimate team of three wandering through the manicured landscapes and tree-lined street of Huntley Gardens down and up Mortimer Lewis Drive (NSW Colonial Architect for those with a sense of Australian history) finally picking up the trail at Fryar Place.
The trail then followed the tranquil and quiet surroundings of Tarban Creek and Riverglade Reserve with the home trail nearly in sight. Dispatches from anonymous poshman did report that Music Man went missing under mysterious circumstances to an unknown nearby destination however this was later corrected as erroneous and
mere scuttlebutt.
After the Riverglade reserve the pack headed up towards Gladesville Road then to Mark Street where the walkers joined the main trail and on back to the bucket in Cowell Street. The trailmaster, Spud, did own up to the ignominy of getting lost towards to end of the run around Oxford Street and slinked home to the bucket in the Cowell Street car park under the shadow of darkness.
The On On selected by the hares was the Star of Thailand Lebanese restaurant in Victoria Road where sumptuous serving of delicious Thai food washed down by fine red wine selected by Little Shit. Pee Dub , in his new presidential style, introduced by Centre Point, proceeded in short fashion to thank the hares for their wonderful run and then to the astonishment of the pack created a world’s first by telling his joke – WITHOUT PAPER!! – well done Herr President!
Of course one could not end the newsletter by noting the behavior of Pizza, the Gold Coast guest who unfortunately was sitting next to Bigamist (did he invite him?). Obviously they do things differently in the Gold Coast where there is less decorum. Given the generous opportunity to offer some humour, Pizza proceeded to converse and tell his ill -timed
joke in a new language not known to the English speaking world, so much so that Pizza could not get the message to Shut the F—Up which ended up in a cacophony of abuse from the Boys. (Contribution from anonymous source)
On On Smiley
Summary
• Distance 8.66km courtesy of KL
• Elevation gain 103 metres
• Calories burnt 866 C