The President, Absolutely Last Chance Louie, after consulting with his Psychoanalyst and the local butcher has decided the Hash would benefit.
Google Earth : Run 2315
from some individual soul searching to re-discover themselves. Showing fearless leadership, he has taken the computer generated test shown below but we feel it is somewhat indiscrete to reveal his score.
Just a word of warning however, don’t stand beside him when you next visit the Gents.
WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU ?
The modern world has become a stressful place, where the complexity of life has caused many to lose their way. It has become common knowledge that getting old tends to age you.
The following simple computer generated check list will lead you back along the path to your lost personality and avoid being reduced to a monumental pile of nothingness. You will be able to find your place in the world once more, obtain free drinks and stop believing you are just another wanker with delusions of personal grandeur.
1. ARE YOU CONSIDERED TO BE A DANGER IN PUBLIC TOILETS, WITH ANTI-SOCIAL TENDENCIES.
(a) Do you forget why you went in there in the first place, and peer under toilet doors to try and find out. (b) Do you never know when you are finished having a piss and end up with a wet patch on the front of your trousers. (c) Do you have a tendency to piddle over your own shoes. (d) Do you have a tendency to piddle over the shoes of the person standing next to you.2. HAVE YOU EVER SUFFERED FROM, ARE SUFFERING FROM OR COULD BE PERSUADED TO THINK YOU COULD BE SUFFERING FROM.
(a) Wanker’s Colic (b) Unconsciously fumbling with your private parts (c) Unconsciously groping for other people’s private parts (d) Social afflictions too numerous to mention.3. DO YOUR KEEP FIT ROUTINES INVOLVE ANY OF THE FOLLOWING
(a) Running, Walking or Sauntering with an organised athletic group (b) Running, Walking or Sauntering with a disorganised group of drunks (c) Taking the dog for a walk and making sure it shits on the neighbour’s lawn. (d) Prowling around the neighbourhood on dark nights, peering in the windows of the girl’s change room at the local school and wanking yourself stupid in the bushes.4. HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOUR MARITAL STATUS
(a) In between marriages (b) In between any pairs of legs you can find (c) Life Threatening (d) Have taken the matter in hand5. HOW DO OTHER PEOPLE DESCRIBE YOU
(a) Neurotic (b) Despotic (c) Psychotic (d) A Cunt6. ARE YOU
(a) Over weight (b) Over sexed (c) Over sixty (d) Over wrought7. DO YOU SECRETLY WEAR
(a) Tight Bavarian Leather Trousers (b) Unwashed, reeking running shoes (c) Net silk stockings with high heeled shoes under your track suit (d) Leopard leotards, a diaphanous jock strap and a gold chain8. ARE YOU THE SORT OF PERSON WHO
(a) Farts silently in crowded lifts (b) Never washes his running gear (c) Pisses in other people’s swimming pools (d) Goes nightly to golf courses and shits in the pin hole on the greens9. ARE YOU AN AVID COLLECTOR OF
(a) Nazi Memorabilia (b) Shrunken Heads (c) Female Underwear (d) Bottled Farts10. DO YOU READ
(a) Poems and telephone numbers on toilet walls (b) Pathetic ravings distributed by obscure running groups (c) Bus and Railway time tables (d) Fuck AllHOW DID YOU SCORE ?
For every (a) answer score 20. For every (b) answer score 15 For every (c) answer score 10 For every (d) answer score 5150 to 200 You are a deviate and decidedly abnormal. You would be welcomed by any obscure running group
100 to 149 People like you are found hanging around ladies toilets in low class Mosman restaurants
51 to 99 You are best advised to stick head up your arse and join the Hare Krishna
Under 51 Mate, you ARE a fucking wanker with delusions of grandeur
THE MEAT AT MURRY FARM WAS SERVED UP BY
SPARE RIBS AND DOGGY BAG
An interesting interlude took place at the beginning of the Run which most would have missed. It occurred when Doggy Bag was setting up the Bucket, banging and clanging around with the Bucket and the tin mugs. Two elderly women had taken shelter under the awning at the Scout Hall from a sudden downpour of rain. The rain had stopped but instead of just moving on, they stayed and objected to the noise Doggy was making. Fortunately Gone Slow, the Hash Public Relations Officer had arrived early, so Doggy Bag was able to confer with him, seeking his advice.
“It’s quite simple,” said Gone Slow, a man more than adequately equipped to deal with difficult people, “ leave it to me, I know how to deal with this sort of problem!” Then to Doggy’s utter amazement, Gone Slow stripped off and bollock naked ran past the two old ladies, his arms swinging dramatically. Ah, I think it was his arms ?
Well, one had a stroke and the other one missed him completely.
You really do need to know who to turn to in an emergency.
After that amazing piece of theatre there was even more drama to follow. As the multitudes gathered for the Run, Doggy stepped smartly forward and announced to all, there were Three Alternatives that evening.
THE GALLOWS (A short walk)
THE CHAIRMAN MAO (A Long March)
AND THE RUN………………………….
For the misguided wretches who opted for THE RUN, they traversed through wonderful bush country, waded along waterlogged tracks, climbed waterfalls, plunged into streams, even swam a few rivers and were out for up to Two Hours on THE RUN. Those weary broken bodies which staggered finally Home in the gathering darkness, felt it must have been similar to one of those notorious Runs set by Pilko the Doyen of Bush Runs in days of yore. When later questioned, Pilko denied this and said they had only run the Out Trail that evening of one of his meritorious , memorable Runs of the past, The Galston Gorge Horror of the Eighties.
Be that as it may, what was a Truly Bush Run for most, for some who groped their way towards a glimmer of habitation at North Rocks and the tranquillity of a friendly strip of bitumen, hard road running in the Winter certainly offered an alternative attraction.
The final act in this drama was played out by Petit Merde and Gone Slow, co-conspirators in a Run in a fortnight. Very late in the evening, appearing out of the gloom like one of Hamlet’s ghosts, appeared Petite Merde, immediately followed by the honourable Gone Slow.
Whilst Petit Merde ranted and raved on in a mixture of Japanese and a Retail Shop Keeper’s dialect, I swear I didn’t see Gone Slow’s lips move once ! It was truly a masterful ventriloquistic performance.
