THE NOTORIOUS FLYING BOXKITE SETS A SHORT CUTTERS’ DELIGHT AT LINDFIELD
With the popular TV Show “Desperate Housewives” taking a break, there was a big roll up for the Run at Lindfield. Some fifty eager souls, including an American Financier from Costa Lot, surged into the Car Park to hear the message delivered by The Notorious One. The Mob was told there would be plenty of Ups and Downs but the local In and Out Brothel was closed much to Mash’s disappointment.
Well there was certainly plenty of Ups and Downs. Every so often the bright lights of the Pacific Highway would loom up ahead and a few more would peel off to Short Cut to an early Bucket. For the honest toilers, like Music and Captain Fizz, there was plenty of variety. Challenging dark, dank rickety staircases leading down into the bush for the torchless ones to lose their bearings and footing. Elsewhere on the Run, on such a clear, dry night the serious runners had plenty of opportunities to stretch their legs. The Notorious One had put on a Good Run for those who could avoid the temptation of the bright lights which led to a Home Run along the Highway. Not too many did. Old age does terrible things to the best of good intentions.
The Tie OnOn was packed to the doors, with hardly a dry seat to be had in the House when No Good Boyo guided Major Disaster through the doors. At that stage, the Mob was deep into their respective troughs and it seemed unlikely that the latecomers were going to be catered for. But the Notorious One had a word with the Management and as a result of a slight misunderstanding with the young waitresses, the bearded NGB was mistaken for a TV identity who had featured strongly in the recent Logie Awards. It was somewhat embarrassing to be at the same table. The food came thick and fast much to the chagrin of the other diners and to cap it all, one of the little ladies got No Good Boyo to autograph a pink pair of panties. He refused to say what he wrote but she went away elated. Understandably shortly after he made his apologies and left hurriedly. We are uncertain whether he then headed around to the back of the kitchen because all stayed to hear a most unfortunate series of Jokes. Pilko and Stunning Jack did their best to lift the level of levity with little success.
So to round off the evening’s proceedings we felt we should bring you a little story which Tick Tock swears on the 2001 Year Book is true. On Tuesday this week, he was sitting alone in a dimly lit, sleazy bar in Redfern staring into his drink, when a bearded oaf slid onto a seat next to him. The Oaf quickly snatched the glass from in front of Tickers and down the contents in one gulp. Wiping a grimy hand across his bearded mouth, he leered into TT’s face and demanded, “wot yer gunna do abart that then, yer little turd ?”
Tickers immediately burst out laughing. Amazed, the Oaf finally mumbled, “ wot youse larfing abart yer dick ‘ead ?”. Tickers smiled nonchalantly at him. “Well,” he began, “ just between us two, this is the worse day in my life. I have suddenly realised I am a complete failure. You see, yesterday I missed out landing the part of a cereal killer in a televised re-run of “Rubbery Underarms”. In the evening, I arrived late for the Hash Run. Got lost and some Hoon like you tried to run me down. No one laughed at my jokes at the OnOn. The Thai food was dreadful”. Tickers paused, “you are paying attention”, he demanded of the bearded Oaf who was swaying on his seat. “Yeah, yeah, wot next ?”, he slurred in reply.
“Totally upset. I left hurriedly leaving behind my Hash Jacket, and went to car park. My car was gone. Stolen ! And the insurance had run out three weeks ago. To make matters worse, I drop my wallet in the cab I caught home. When I walked through my front door, I found my wife with another man. Finally my favourite dog bit me. So I came to this sleazy bar to end it all. I bought a drink. Dropped in a cyanide capsule and was sitting here watching the poison slowly dissolving, when you showed up and drank the lot !”
“But that’s enough about me. How has your day been ?”