Run 2264 – 15th Nov 2010

POSH Tribune MEMO

15th November 2010 – Smiley & Nautilus

Bwana,

It’s about bloody time you remembered that SEX & SCANDAL sell newspapers, not mamby pamby bloody jumped up CV’s on various members of the POSH. I want some salacious newspaper selling stories. Do some homework for a change! I expect better from you next week.

Macaroni you Moron,

It’s about time you learned that news (like Shit) happens, and that we journos can’t make news happen to demand any more than you can make it rain; but judging by the weather lately the POSH can. However on last week’s run a diminutive bloke with glasses sidled up to me. It turns out that he loves to sniff out the dirt on other hashmen …..and also other bits of odorous excrement. He told me – The first rule in the POSH is… NO POOFTERS !.

But when is a poofter not a poofter? Well, it seems that we have the next best thing in the POSH; a ‘closet cross dresser.’ Down in the Eastern suburbs they call them “trannies” and they usually come out after dark in full floral regalia. Our man in question loves to wear a range of dandy and dashing eye catching hats on every hash occasion. His regular favourites include a French beret, Deer Stalker, Trilby, Boater, Panama Hat, Fedora, Ivy Cap, Plaid Stroller, Swiss something or other, Gambler, Safari Putty, and a few others for one liner pick-ups.  We understand that if he had half a chance this range of hats would not only extend to those big wide brimmed numbers with fruit and feathers and skimpy little black and white lace numbers perched at a rakish angle, but also to a full range of floral frocks, man bags and high heels; i.e. to be dressed up just like those young bosomed beauties at Flemington races.

But sadly for our hashman his no-nonsense, straight talking missus won’t let him out of the house without checking his running kit bag first…every week! Naturally she doesn’t want to face a hounding press with an embarrassing “incident” on their doorstep. To satisfy his cross dressing urges and to assure other visiting hashmen that he is genuinely ‘male orientated’, his missus has allowed him his own millenary closet. It is located just inside the front door of their lovely expansive home. But no one from the hash has yet been invited to inspect the other hat boxes discreetly stashed away up stairs. The full truth has yet to emerge from this tantalising and scandalous lead by our diminutive shit stirrer.

Now the plot thickens …..this hashman is also a compulsive gambler. Cards are his doing …and the undoing …but usually of others

Strip Poker is for starters. He ‘oils’ his unsuspecting “clients” and partners with a drop or more of the best from his new and well stocked wine cellar, and when they are more than a little soft headed he moves in for the kill. The rest is just too horrible to write about so I will leave it to the readers’ imagination. It’s no wonder that they call him Last Card Louis …or should it be …Lost Call Louise?

Clearly this hashman needs urgent, regular and very compassionate counselling. Thankfully there are about 90 or more collective counsellors on hand every week to provide all the help and support that Last Card requires to re-align his disorientated disposition. It’s called the POSH Hash.  No better to keep Lost Louise in check than 90 testosterone driven blokes.  Bless his hash mates.  They have saved his missus from more than a few embarrassing incidents.

Bwana Matata

Run 2264, 15 November 2010 From 18 Furber Place Davidson (Smiley’s Place)

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To those who bottled out of this run and On-On because of a few rain clouds

…Eat your hearts out!

Perambulations in the Bush

Smiley and Nautilus put in a shit load of reccing to provide the pack with a top summer run. As customary for Monday nights, the rain stopped by 6pm so we could enjoy our Monday night run.  Clearly the Gods, Furkhand, Mobile Mop, and our other departed brethren are pulling the strings for us up there and smiled on Smiley and Nautilus. 2 or 3 suburban streets from Smiley’s house brought us to some bush which is thought never to have been hashed before.  Sadly though, the Middle Harbour Creek was in full spate after the day’s deluge. Even Submariner Commander Nautilus didn’t think that he could navigate his stealth subs across the creek and for safety’s sake almost half the run was chopped out.

Although Short Fuse boasted before the start that he would defy the odds and wade across to complete the runners run…… even he bottled out when the rest of the pack allowed common sense to prevail. Besides most of us got to the bucket just under the hour and before darkness…perfect timing. As so many did not turn up, Smiley and Nautilus might even set the run again the other way round later this summer.

The Feeding Frenzy @ Smiley’s.

Whilst Changi looked after the run with about 25 or so walkers, runners and 3 visitors, Grape joined forces with Mrs Smiley (Faith), Smiley, Nautilus and ‘Smirk’ (aka Smiley junior) to turn out the feast of the year. What a fantastic On-On it was. Smiley provided one of the best views of Sydney’s bushland from his back yard. In fact half those who lined up for the feed didn’t even bring their running gear…just their appetite for some top food.

Mrs Smiley served up tray after tray of piping hot mini meat pies and cheese fritter entrees at the bucket. In the meantime Gourmet Grape prepared piles of “Fruits de Mare” (Salmon cutlets) cooked to perfection accompanied by chilled Riesling (and also some clean skin reds that deserved a pukka label) plus an excellent tossed salad. And if that weren’t enough… to finalise the feast we were treated to fresh baked banana and lemon cake, fruit salad and ice cream.  Top that dinner guys!

E Shit disgraced himself again and our Headmaster President wanted to give him ‘six of the best’ with his cane but he ran off into the dark. Thank goodness!

The chefs d’ nuit (Grape and Faith) were given a down-down. She loved Grape’s salmon (or something else?) so much he was awarded some passionate kisses.  We aren’t sure what went on behind the scenes or under the kitchen table during the preparation of the food, but Grape came out smiling like a Cheshire Cat. Any wonder why ‘Smiley’ has his Hash moniker. Tic Toc advised the audience that a recent scientific study had revealed that beards harbour parasites and fungal diseases. Poor Faith, Lucky Buckie.

The TM’s Run Marks.

Next Week’s Run 2265: 22 November 2010

Hares: Last Card Louis and Tic Toc

Location: Ferry Terminal at Church Point off, McCarrs Creek Road

You must be there by 6 PM to catch the ferry. It’s a scheduled trip so it won’t wait if you’re late.

Event: To commemorate the assassination of President JFK on this day in 1963. An invite has been sent to the US embassy for that current Democrat Barking Brahman.

On On: On site with available wet weather covered site

The Menu: All of JFK’s favourites including Clam Chowder, Hot roast turkey and Cranberry sauce, grilled vegies and finally, ice cream with hot chocolate sauce and Pecan nuts…….not to mention Marilyn Monroe …much later