Khyber Passes Whilst Tyre Fruck Serves the Merry Men
It takes just a couple of old lags, (or is that Consummate Hashmen?), to turn on a top night. Interestingly both these hashmen are eponymously hash handled . Oooohhh…such a big word to start this week’s libellous drivel…so if you have any difficulty understanding this please ring Goon Show without delay (Tel.No…in the year book) GS has advised me that he will be only too pleased to expound his English literary prowess and terminate your professed literary ignorance.
Khyber (and for those, like our pseudo-intellectually aspiring GS above) seeking to be edified…’Khyber’ is a Hebrew word meaning ‘a fort’). He (Khyber that is, not GS), really is an old hand at setting runs around the Bantry Bay area and probably knows more crooks and crannies (or is that cracks and fannies?) over there.
Khyber is also infamous by his dubious appearance in that block busting flick “Up The Khyber” where he starred as Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond, who looked after the British outpost near the Khyber Pass. This Pass was protected by the kilted Third Foot and Mouth Regiment. But one villainous Khazi of Kalabar had other ideas. He wanted all the British and Australians dead! Unfortunately his troops feared the “skirted-devils”; as they were rumoured not to wear anything underneath. But more on this plot later.
Meanwhile in the other corner we have Tyre Fruck; A legendary character and household name being a renegade chef, now retired. Also famous from the movies, having starred with the late Frankie (Poofter) Howard in Robin Hood’s Merry Band of Boys.
Tyre Fruck certainly knows a thing or two about tossing out food for the gang, …as well as cooking it!. In fact, I was only recently made aware of his earlier silver screen career when I was anonymously sent this photo of him…quality control of a roast leg of lamb …..or should I say a poached lamb …..probably from the Sherriff of Nottingham’s country estate.
But Heeeeyyy…..What a duo and a bonus to have these two combine their acting, hashing and culinary talents for the SH3. Sadly however Tyre Fruck was on cooking strike on the night….something about “Working to Union Rules…Job Description” an’ all that, and so it fell to the poor old committee to fulfill these culinary obligations…which of course they did in exemplary manner. Not least because that ‘Missing Link’….Chastity Belt (Remember him fellas?) decided to make a guest appearance for his committee mates. About time CB did a spot of good old hard work for his hash mates.
OK, so you want to know about the run on Monday 19th? Well if you were there then you’ll know that it was adman good one. And those who missed it…well you missed a damn good run..Get it? ..
Seriously though Khyber and TF used well worn bush tracks to begin with, leading us out northwards to the playing fields and thereafter we followed fire trails southwards down towards Bantry Bay itself. The Runners and Walkers trails intermittently intertwining. And down we went onto the ‘wet(land) flaps’ as Druid (acting TM) called them. Naturally the boys were very careful not to get too involved with these wet-flaps for fear of catching crabs. So they tip-toed their way carefully around these estuarine margins.
The Hares must have swum around to mark this section of the trail as they had timed our sortie perfectly with an absolute low tide just as we made our wet-flap crossings Snow white toiletries flagged our way from Mangroves trees and other sticks and posts until we scrambled up a rocky foreshore on the eastern embankment. At least most scrambled. Centre Point went for a heroes escapade and “did ‘imself in on the shin”.
It woz a true puff and pant up the hill…not re-visited since Khyber set a summer run in winter on this this bushy,rocky trail about 6 years ago. But it was sufficiently cleared and well marked. The walkers taking the Eeeasyyyy route up whilst the runners carried on ”Up the Khyber”…until at last we ascended onto smooth sandstone cliff tops with beaut views across ‘Bantry Bay and all’…. with the city skyscrapers in the far distance shrouded in a distant rainfall whilst we ‘enjoyed’ the last of the slanting evening sun rays. And that was definitely the last of the sunrays as those damn clouds soon caught up with us so that the slow stragglers and walkers returned in bloody cold rain.
The home trail weaved in, out, and around a myriad of rabbit warren trails through the heathland vegetation, and over smooth rocky outcrops. The hares certainly picked the best of the tiny tracks and trails in one of our favourite hashing territories. Well marked throughout and a top bucket to welcome us home. Good stuff Hares. A solid, quality summer run and home on the dot of the hour. And a good yardstick for future hares to emulate.
Evidently there are some criminal shenanigans happening in one of the Sydney Hash clubs. Back all them years ago in 2006 a certain mysterious hashman of international standing, was cleansing his soiled and sweaty body after some risky and dubious exercise in the backblocks of Thailand, better known as Hua Hin…when his running slinglet (circa Jungle Jim’s junta) went missing. Not daring not to tell his brother hashmen or his good lady wife where he had actually been, and why his very limited edition hash vest had disappeared, the true story might have stopped there …..until just last week, …6 years later.
Our hasman of infamy and celebrity status was shopping for his smalls (an oxymoron for his undies, fellas) in all of the places …at Vinnies in Chatswood. Yep…that’s how he saves his lucrative money from clinching all those top end real estate deals. Anyway whilst groping through the dirty linen……quite literary, what should he chance upon…but his beloved, missing, lost and stolen, limited edition hashing slinglet from all those years ago. Not only was there his slinglet but several other POSH ‘T’ shirts besides. With tears welling up in his eyes he clutched his favourite slinglet like a kiddie with a comfort blanket and was surreptitiously heading for the doorway when he heard …..“Where the bloody hell do you think you’re going with that?”. Not wanting to bring more attention to himself he haggled and bought his way out of trouble after paying the princely sum of $4.00 to buy back his own slinglet.
So…who amongst us has been purloining (aka -knocking off) other hashmens’ hash T shirts?. A handsome reward has now been posted by your ever vigilant committee for information leading to the full and frank exposure of the pervert-culprit who ‘seconded’ Monsieur Le Tic-Toc’s favourite hashing slinglet whilst he was stark naked abluting his body all those kilometres away and all those years ago.
Down down’s a plenty for various misdemeanours, such as for Baron-Von-Drut, Smiley and Goanna for getting lost on one of the best marked trails in hashing history and arriving back home so late that they missed the bucket and the on-on meal of lamb back straps, salads etc. But who cares as we preen ourselves for the
next round of running, walking and 1940’s entertainment by Humphrey Bogart, Cheap Charlie and the old
time silver screen gang. The movies theme just keeps on coming….so let it roll on
Your Hash Journo