The Sydney Mocking Harel _________________________________________________________________
First Run 1967 O N O N . A L W A Y S . Number 2421 November 25, 2013
Cascades, ConCarne & Chevrolet cars Hash ’em now before they sub-divide Ingleside
When at last a soggy Virginus Illegitimus emerged from a soaking night among the cascading Mullett Creek, the cry of déjà vu went up. Wasn’t this last week’s story, Trailmaster Moishe fretted? All over again, a search party had been organised. This time Hare Hoarse Whisperer hollered for co-Hare Spud and a posse of Poshmen (including Jack the Ripper) yeehaaaed off in a laden 4WD. They scoured the Warriewood Escarpment from arsehole to Breakfast Creek to locate our straying Virgin, returning just in time for the plenty-times-promised Chilli Con Carne (being re-packaged and frozen for a date to be re-offered, you know, going forward). Meanwhile, after treatment by Posh medicos and winos,PeeDub and Smiley at Hoarse’s manger, VI was pronounced stable. (The good news: had VI needed the defibrillator he had only to reach into his own backpack and listen to the instructions in Chinglish).
Earlier the enthusiastic pack, including such athletes as Molly, Flying Scotsman, Lost Patrol, Baron v Drut, and the Grape slithered in the damp Ingleside Park undergrowth of Boondah Reserve and Fern Creek. Charging past Poly and Jungle they at last found salvation in a retirement village and its pretend bush track honed especially for zimmer frames. Heaven! And then, only then did the true nature of this testing trail become evident. Maximus, Wanker and Payling expressed a collective gasp and wet fart..confronted by the biggest goddamn, but somehow sissy rock they’d since Giant which also starred Elizabeth Taylor. Known as Heydon Cascades it was clambered successfully by not only these legends but also the nimble Yakkity, Frenchy, Swampy and God Knows. Then followed Queens Cascades, Boronia Spur and Lacy Chaps (this was clearly once the hidden habitat of the infamous Ingleside Irrawongi injuns who gaily romped with their woods awave; they who pioneered the classic Mullett Creek hairdo, still favoured by some residents in this neck of the woods).
Back in Hoarse’s manger, the OnOn was soon in full swing. Accompanying the eagerly anticipated TyreFruck-created chilli con carne, re-presented to an uncomplaining crowd, many of whom have enjoyed ex-pat life in Ethiopa, was a dessert crafted in the Kitchens of Bunnings Warehouse..each serving came with a tiny, ok industrial strength, jack hammer to enable complete enjoyment (ummm, scored -14/20 from Terry Durack—see Good Living section). Good news though: the ccc leftovers may well be back in a scrumptious fresh spag boll guise, with the beans served on the side, nearest the loo. After that with the addition of some excellent Aldi Bond Crete expect to enjoy ABC (A Burger CCCarne). After that possibly a donation to the Kitchens of St Vinnies, or a return to the Fruck freezer.
Highlight of the evening was not the presentation of David Jones’ Country Road by the Posh Performers, Calici, Jungle, Music and TToc, although they were damned good, eh? And it wasn’t even the return of a hatless not hapless former Poshman once known as Last Card Louis (that appellation is back on the register, awaiting a suitable new deserving member to be bestowed upon..who knows, it might be by some coincidence Hatless hisself who at the time of writing is out of detention centre on a temporary visa while his application is being vetted, vandalised, and hopefully not vanquished.
And the highlight of the evening wasn’t even the return of the Three Amigos, Goon, Grape andJungle who tramped all over the Barringtons like Malcolm Naden, sharing everything including the warmth of their slender bodies and a magnum of Midori, huddled together in woodsman’s huts, reluctant to finally emerge and crawl through Walcha’s Royal and New England pubs, and thence home to the embrace of their respective womenfolk. (Changi was disappointed not to have joined them. Instead he enjoyed only one of those).
No, the highlight wasn’t even admiration of Hoarse’s collection of fine Chevys down in the adjacent levee, and the levee was dry. It wasn’t even celebration of Super’s and Smiley’s well-deserved birthdays.
The highlight was, however, recognition of our generous Hashcash Wanker. For her birthday the Wank bought his lady Lyn an iPad, an iPod and an iPhone. For his birthday she bought him an iRon, and he now happily does the household iRoning, including hankies and jockstraps (his not hers, naturally) whenever he feels an iron episode coming on. DownDowns awarded all round, particularly to Hoarse for his and Isabella’s generosity in allowing us to gambol in their manger.
Original jokes were dispensed by PeeDub & TToc to unbridled audience applause.
–OnOnTToc With contributions from world-wide sources, Changi, KLitter, LCL and Your Choice for the invaluable map. (Good Weakend Picture album see supplement)
News at Hand
New procedure for the defibrillator
Something NEW: From now on we’re going to trial leaving the defib with the Hares. For a number of good reasons…the Hares, who are familiar with both trails, can more readily establish where on the route somebody may need help. They can despatch the defib to attend to an emergency, as well as call an ambo, or SES if judged necessary. To make it all work better, more if not all of us should carry our phones.
Also no matter how easy it is to operate the defib, it is important that a number of us are familiar with it, especially when it would need to be operated under emergency conditions. Your All-Star Committee will get the defib vendor back for an annual refresher, and include him or her at dinner. This new system will also lift the weight off the defib donkey so as not to hinder him on the run or walk. With all this in place, let’s hope we never have to call for the defib anyway.
VERY GOOD ADVICE now that it is TICK SEASON
(From a Poshman who used to be known as Last Card Louis).
Tick removal
Spring being here, ticks will soon be showing their heads.
Here is a good way to get them off you, your children, or your pets.
Give it a try.
Please forward to anyone with children… Or hunters or dogs, or anyone who even steps outside in summer!! A School Nurse has written the info below — good enough to share –And it really works!!
I had a paediatrician tell me what she believes is the best way to remove a tick.
This is great, because it works in those places where it’s some times difficult to get to with tweezers: between toes, in the middle of a head full of dark hair, etc.
Apply a glob of liquid soap to a cotton ball. Cover the tick with the soap-soaked cotton ball and swab it for a few seconds (15-20), the tick will come out on its own and be stuck to the cotton ball when you lift it away.
This technique has worked every time I’ve used it (and that was frequently),and it’s much less traumatic for the patient and easier for me.
Unless someone is allergic to soap, I can’t see that this would be damaging in any way.
I even had my doctor’s wife call me for advice because she had one stuck to her back and she couldn’t reach it with tweezers. She used this method and immediately called me back to say, “It worked!”
Please pass on. Everyone needs this helpful hint.
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