POSH Tribune MEMO
Music Man & The Arbitrator (Bucket Wrangler)
Google Earth : Run 2266
Douglas, you unedified Editor
It’s been a quiet week after the spectacular debacle at the Pasadena and the hash members are still smarting over their $30-00 impose for a duded Thanksgiving meal. Maybe it should have been called the ‘Tic-Toc’s Forgiveness dinner’. But NO…..he is still talking up a storm and rating it 9 out of 10 on the On-On scale, although no one else has or would ….. And images of Lost Call Louise passing him/herself off as a shrewd FBI agent are thankfully fading fast. So it’s time that Tic Toc had some competition on the hash “talk-a-thon” meter, and who better than a fellow hashman.
He’s another lower north shore resident and a long time hashman at that. It seems that so many of the elder hashmen are like encrusted barnacles in the lower north shore who won’t even drive outside Mosman to the Monday runs due to xenophobia of those far flung and hostile suburbs such as Castlecrag, Chatswood and Roseville, but this hashman occasionally does. After all he was a travelling salesman …of a sort, and still has the wander lust to get out of the house. Believe me ….it has nothing to do with retirement boredom ……perish the thought.
He developed his skills at vociferous verbosity whilst selling his wares and any other ideas gleaned from listening to the radio over many years. Never an opportunity is lost to regale an unsuspecting victim or a fellow hashman in deep and meaningful conversation…but it’s inevitably his monologue.
A man who has also developed a keen sense of money management, and given just half a chance will give any one who has a couple of spare hours (or days) a very brief rundown on the stock market, or any other subject for that matter.
As a self professed lover of food and doyen of Australian wines such that his ‘investment pouch’ now prevents him from bending down to pull up his dacks or do up his shoe laces. He would have been perfect to advise Tic Toc exactly what to do and how to do it. Such a shame that he wasn’t the co-hare last week. ……Or maybe not!
You see, theory is always better than reality, and the longer these Hashmen have been retired, the faster that Alzheimer’s, amnesia and short sightedness kicks in. The last two runs he has set in Neutral Bay (not more than 200 metres from his house) have been laid directly over other hash chalk trails with the inevitable Fuck up! … And the On-On’s he arranged on his own have resulted in the “TIC Toc Big Stuff Up” category. But of course there is always a reason or someone else to answer for his disastrous results. Now, does this sound familiar?
Well of course …our hashman is none other Tic-Toc’s true nemesis………Bruce the Goose, AKA …Vin Ordinaire, the North Shore Milk Maid and Bon Vivant of the lonely housewife. If competition is best for the market place then the hash is no exception. The POSH hash had better watch out.
Yours, Ear Bashed
Bwana Matata.
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Run 2266, 29 November 2010 Hare Music Man .
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To those who made the ultimate sacrifice and headed to Little Manly Beach in the hope of a proper summer run in the bush, here is a personal message from your esteemed TM …..Read On
Firstly my apologies to all for allowing last night’s run to go ahead.
Knowing the area well, North Heads did not qualify as a Summer Bush run venue, but as I was away recently for three weeks, I was not around to try to get the hare to change the run or to find another hare to set a proper bush run.
North Heads has some interesting historic sites, including the old gun emplacements in the bush, the Artillery Museum, the old barracks, the army obstacle course in the bush and the Quarantine Station, none of which were used by the hare.
The run ran straight across the beach, up the road all the way to the back of the Museum, where it was supposed to divert down a track beside the museum to the road. As the hounds could not find the track, due to it being marked with miniscule blackboard chalk which was barely visible, your TM directed the pack down the false trail to a lovely regenerated swamp and into the Artillery Museum, and out the gate; an area well known to the TM.
The walkers split and walked down the mesh track home, and the runners went down along the stone wall heading to the harbour and up the gully through which we have passed through many times before, and then onto the Quarantine Station.
Lastly back onto the “black grass” and out by the shortest route, following the main “black grass” road home.
What a bloody lazy effort from the hare. Your TM escorted the pack with himself on a short diversionary tour of the Quarantine Station, where the run should have gone and on home. 1hour and 15 minutes, mostly walking.
Arriving at the bucket the hare had added insult to injury by not bothering to buy in cold beer but used ice to cool it down. A cardinal sin in the Hash!
NOTE: If future hares can’t or don’t want go to the effort to set a proper summer bush run, which is the great draw card of the POSH, please advise me and do a lame duck road run in the winter.
After the bucket the TM was seen sulking off home, missing the On On.
The TM’s Run marks.
Keeping pack together 3/5 Trail Marking 0.5/5 Trail interest 0.5/5 Moocher attraction 0/5 Total 4.0
And now a Run Report from the Deputy Scribe
An evening brought to you by Music Man and his absent co-hare Bunny Trapper
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Could this be known as, “the run after that debacle of promised turkey and cranberry sauce that ended in cold, old dead chook in salmonella sauce with cold baked potatoes”?
50% Virgin Purple Ribbon Trails
The hare had fought long and hard with the Trail Master with a promise of more bush than the Brazilian Beach volley ball team, (Music was probably thinking more of the women’s team). Anyway, we were instructed to look out for the purple ribbons and set off down along the golden sands and then a very long ascent on what appeared to be “bitumen”, (surely not on a summer run). We checked to the left and right on MORE, of what looked like, “bitumen”. The pack was together as we searched in vain for the purple ribbon. The trail master ordered us down a track, reminiscent of some sort of jungle warfare but still no sign of a purple ribbon.
At this stage the front runners of Scotsman and Super had decided to stop looking for any purple ribbons and make up their own run which finally found a check and the on-trail.
There were some heated moments of frustration between Spud and Mr Cranky (Goon Show) who both accused each other of not calling on. The search for the Purple Ribbon had at last been found as we looked out onto the most beautiful harbour in the world. This must surely be the best panoramic and picturesque view from Sydney Heads, south down the Harbour to the Sydney skyline. For a few brief seconds we had forgiven Music Man. Well that’s enough forgiveness, down the rock face to the lapping incoming tide and then like lame rabbits we scrambled up the rocks through booby-trapped purple ribboned trails entering the quarantine station with a long “on home” along what resembled bitumen.
Meanwhile, back at the bucket, Music blamed Greenie Tree Hugging extremist bastards for stealing his well marked purple ribbon run in 50% virgin territory and putting ice in the bucket.
Music needed the promised gourmet meal to redeem himself from the Trail Master’s Fury as the now very stroppy Grrrrrrrape chucked a tantrum and pissed off home blasting something about “this run never existing!”
The Scribe’s Score:
Keeping the pack together 3/5
Trail Marking 3/5
Trail Interest 3/5
Moocher Attraction 3/5
Grrrrrrrrape Interest -6/5
Total 6
The Feeding Frenzy
Grrrrrrape should have stayed! This On-On definitely did exist! After extracting a tick from Jocks rectum we were all treated to a magnificent spread of “Wattle Grove” lamb fillets in seeded mustard and mint jelly with potato salad and tossed garden salad followed by fresh, home-made fruit salad with orgasmic yoghurt. Hang on, that’s exactly what Music promised the week before. Surely Music can redeem himself from the depths of despair and the fury of the Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrape.
Most agreed that the meal was the best since, well, the best since we could remember. The succulent lamb in plentiful quantity was cooked to perfection whilst the now famous “Your Choice” home-made fruit salad was healthy but delicious – just doesn’t seem possible!
Meanwhile, Tic Toc had been in hiding and reportedly gone “cold turkey” for the week.
The President was wielding a longer leaner appendage or cane and ringing what he claimed were Christmas Bells to the delight of the ever attentive audience. Our President awarded down downs to anyone who had a birthday in the past month and a visitor who went to school with Music and Your Choice at Gosford Boys Home. Poor deluded soul was asked to tell us about himself and he proceeded to give us his life story until Pee Dub told him to phone the Salvation Army – or someone who cared!
Our President took it upon himself to open a new segment in the formal proceedings labelling it as the “Complaints Segment”. There was some lame comment about a run not being worthwhile unless there were complaints – how bloody diplomatic! Based on this presumption Music’s run was a hailing success!
There was some humour as read by the now infamous teller of jokes Pee Dub. This week they were actually funny.
So, would this run be remembered as the one after that farcical catering attempt at Church Point by the Blues Brothers OR, indelibly stamp its own individual place in hashing history as the best catered run of the year?
Pics thanks to Tic Toc. TT suggests you may like to Double Click on a pic this causes it to enlarge… just like old times.
Next Week’s Run 2267: Monday 6 December 2010
Hares: Lightning and his “Hoarse Hare” – Moishe
Location: 101 Booralie Road, Terrey Hills (Chez Lighting’s Stud Barn).
Special Event: There will be a special horse riding event. Ms Selina Madeleine (local Jumping Clinic Instructor) will be riding “Samsara Alchemy” providing a performance of Dressage and Show Jumping.