The Sydney Mosquitory Hareld
__________________________________________ First Run 1967 O N O N . A L W A Y S . Number 2440 April 7, 2014
RUN REPORT/ GLEBE/ULTIMO/ THE GRAPE APE
Busier than a one-legged laggard in a batshit bum kicking contest
The autumn wind, and the winter wind – have not yet gone
And yes the days, those lonely days – go on and on
And guess who sighs his lullabies – through nights that never end
Our fickle friend, the summer wind
Ahhhh, autumn. When the birds turn brown and fall out of the trees. So The Grape Ape takes us for a swing among the North Shorebats who come home to roost in the city. And the North Shore fats (of more later) come in for a sniff round the roots of the city (see below). And The Grape came through, doing all of the heavy lifting himself (see pic).
A run as boring as batshit, he boasted. But not to be believed. Expansively scrawled over three map pages, the boredom bash began from Doherty Reserve a pocketchief plot in Glebe, when Bum Crack and Mr Neat burst out of the starting block to circle the gentrified Glebe to Lyndhurst St. Across Wentworth Park to the baying of the hounds (Payling and Nautilus, and possibly the greyhounds), the pack quickly arrived on the fringe of the batshit territory of Darling Harbour, but first passing the promised land OnOn restaurant, the Malaysian Kopitiam (named after the spray tan many white folks use to take on an Asian hue). It was here thatE-Shit explored the Home of True Love icecream parlour and brothel “just to check the going ..or coming..rate”. The giant Nubian bouncer informed our Mr Foes that the facility was closed and that he should “beat it”.
In moments 4X was covering the front runners, though still scratching his groin where he and Hill of Grace keep their tick collection (4X’s affection for these little critters is quite infectious). The bats-of-shit-fame love the hidey holes in this constantly developing precinct, as were Goanna, Saltpetre, and TomTom a visitor from Manila..bridges, fly-overs, tunnels, lanes, alleys, dog-shit-steaming reserves, grassy knolls, hidden elevators…eventually even Molly was floundering (or being a navy man, foundering). The reason, Grape ascertained later, was that much of the trail through the fountains and ponds of Chinatown had been tampered with, nay removed by S*um C*unt, an inscrutable denizen of Darling Harbour. Only thanks to Trailmaster Moishe was the pack, now almost down to Goonshow, Virginus, Maximus and Duckweave keeping well ahead of Kitty (well, he and Frmrly Lst Crd Lui had competed in the Jabilana Challenge 12ks gruelling Bobbin Head Hawkesbury-side poor man’s Great Nosh the day before, while Moishe and Cinders had held up the Posh cred with a 10ks Lindfield lumber).
All this was reccied, set, orchestrated or castrated, by The Grape, virtually a blur of batshitedness..the work of two hares rolled into one ball of batshit. To be admired. Yet more great stuff was to come (settle down E-Shit)
The clue to the standard of the imminent OnOn was the attendance of Bunnytrapper. Giving the Moochers the slip (said he just didn’t feel like a Honolulu grill for the 18th Monday evening in a row), Bunny took up a strategic location to watch the Kopitiam Malaysian gem almost take the mantle from The Bunny’s renowned Mosquito Bar triumph of 15 years ago. The one to beat (settle down E-Shit). Forty Poshathloids jammed into the most authentic Malaysian space we have had the good fortune to enjoy since we were last on the back jetty waterway of Malacca. Kopitiam was that good. The freshest tofu, tastiest pork, seafood, jungle vegies and wholesome rice, that as Grape promised was of a standard you could bring the missus to (at a later date of course). Hell, even the mistress, and it’s handy too if she happens to work in the Home of True Love Jism next door.. But wait there’s more. This repast set us back just $20. The reason? Grape had negotiated an excellent food deal, and supplied the wine, inexpensive cleanskins of excellent Durif, among the offerings*.
Visitors were the afore-mentioned TomTom from Manila, who is trying the various Hashes having returned from Manila recently. He is advised to steer clear of Thirsty. He’ll only find trouble with those long-legged Thirsty moist maidens..that will only end in tears.
Also visiting was our great mate from Royal Selangor Hash in Malaysia, Vincent aka The Gambler, who is also the bro-in-law ofFlasher. Hosting the Posh contingent in KL when they, putting your Hash funds to work, represented all Members at the 75thAnniversary celebrations last November, Gambler Vincent has now been honored with Posh Life Membership recognising his role in establishing the twinning of these two great Hash clubs.
*Note to future Hares: Try to pick an excellent restaurant near that excellent territory you are considering. And then let us work together to negotiate an optimum deal (your Committee is mean, and hungry, and here to help forge that deal for the benefit of all mankind). Within the $25 budget we can do it every time. Just reflect on Grapes’ discovery, Kopitiam.
Humour came on like batshit out of hell to hit the fans. Particularly laughable was Duckweave who was standing in for the leglessPeeDub (see strip below). Other humour came from Major Disaster Disaster who notes the Malaysian handling of the tragic MH 370 search makes our Malaysian mates more suited to running wonderful hash houses. And TToc revealed the truth behind a recent bat banquet.
Duckweave, standing in for PeeDub rehearsing a brilliant joke with several punchlines—an enviable performance, that generated a spontaneous standing ovation, much stamping of the feet and endless applause, PeeDub imagined in his rehab institution.