Smith’s Creek Skedaddle/Lady in a Saddle/Ladle in Fruit Salad..and Ice Cream
POSH Tribune MEMO
- Subject: Tales of the Misfits
- From Douglas Macaroni
Google Earth : Run 2267
- To Bwana Matata
- Date 07-12-2010
Bwana Matata,
Your last submission on that “talk-a-thon” north shore milk maid gave the POSH hash something of an old “fish mongers wife” image. You know,….lots of sit around old hags with ill-gotten idle gossip and scandal. You told me earlier this year that most of the members are supposedly professionals including doctors, accountants, engineers, bankers and even an architect or two. So how come we find such riff-raff in the ranks?
Come clean, and tell me in your next report ………………Douglas
Macaroni you old Nit Picker
It’s amazing that all those self professed professionals in the hash roll up on Monday evenings in their top-of-the-line Beemos, Porches, Mercs, Audis, 4×4’s, Lexus’, sports cars and even vintage MG’s, Jaguars and Morgans have been seen on a few occasions. Bought, they say, from hard earned money in respectable professional circles.
But ask them to set a well planned and well laid run in the bush, or organise a decent On-On meal for 50 to 60 of their best mates, then their professional and intellectual brains usually turn to that well known soft brown, odorous substance, SH1T. It seems that most hashmen are incapable getting their heads around anything which requires a little common sense and a touch of effort. Take for example the debacle of Tic Toc’s Thanksgiving meal (‘sic’ and/or sick), or Music Man’s now infamous summer bush run on bitumen; the same fucking roads that have been run to death over many years.
Another culprit is a man who is hardly ever heard in the hash. Volume-wise he is almost the total opposite of the “north shore milk maid”. A man who runs an engineering empire. The NSW State Government has sought his help in matters of global and Olympic proportions. An international traveller and man who has developed hard knuckles from numerous business biffos.
So don’t expect any finesse in this hashman; he’s a hands on Engineer, a problem solver and a construction engineer who would give Isambard Kingdom Brunel.a hot run for his money. A man who you would expect to knock together a beaut summer run and turn on a banquet at the drop of a top hat, especially with all his ingenuity, people skills and organisational abilities.
But NO; You would be way off the mark.
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He’s notoriously late for every Monday night run and will undoubtedly be late for his own funeral. A brinks-man and an abuser of timetables and digital stop clocks.
At all costs you must keep him well away from any chalk and run setting responsibilities. If you do he’ll start at 6am and barely finish the trail setting before sundown. Olympic length road and bush marathons are his forte. And without any cleverness about them.
But give him his due…..when he is asked to contribute to the POSH, he opens his palatial residence and back garden to the pack, and clears the patio for the hash tables. … Just so long as the committee, someone or anyone else organises and lays on all the food and drinks.
Best that we call his home ‘Hotel Brunel’.
He is quiet and resilient by nature, well camouflaged in the city or in the bush, known to be outright lazy in hash matters, stubborn and uncompromising, and has a nasty bite if provoked.
His Aboriginal star sign is none other than the Goanna.
Yours in frustration,
Bwana Matata
Report of 2267, 6th December 2010 ___________________________________________________________________________
Perambulations Down to Smith Creek & Back
Lightning’s and Moishe’s run is considered one of best runs of the year so far – set by two of the most dedicated hashman together with our vigilant Trail Master, Grape Ape.
The Run made the best use of the Smiths creek valley using the three trails leading down to the creek, Smith Creek track, Smith’s Creek East Track and the Nerang Track. Walkers travelled by bus to the top of the Smiths Creek East Track and descended into the valley whilst the runners ran around the perimeter track and then down the Nerang Track.
It was indeed a pleasure to be in some real bush at last and to enjoy some fantastic views. The timing was good as both walkers and runners intermingled along the valley floor. The pull back up from Smiths creek track separated the men from the boys. It is approximately 2 km long and stuffed most runners and all walkers except Darwin Don who was seen leading a pack of the fast walkers back to the bucket.
The TM’s Run Marks.
Keeping pack together 3/5
Trail Marking 4/5
Trail interest 4/5
Moocher attraction 0/5____
Total 11.0
The Feeding Frenzy in the Stud Barn
The “in yer face Trail Master” Grape Ape sent out an edict this last week commanding the Posh that in future all hares must have a “we weather contingency”….What he really meant was a WET weather contingency. But I suppose it amounts to the same thing. Lightning was so intimidated that he erected a barn the size of an aircraft hanger, where the hash occupied less than an eighth of the floor space and still enough room for an equestrian floor show.
The usual steaks were slapped onto the BBQ, green salads into the bowls, and anaemic slippery white potato salad was squeezed out of their pre-bought plastic bags for the umpteenth time this summer. (JM’s please note that convenience does not equate with quality or appreciation)
The steaks varied from sumptuous to being as ‘Grisly’ as a Canadian bear. But there were few complaints as our hosts, Lightning, Nickie and Jono arranged Selina Madeleine, an Olympic horse woman, to give us a horse jumping exhibition of ….well ………..Olympic quality on her beautiful stead ‘Samsara Alchemy’. And a great exhibition is was too.
Our president was totally smitten with the luscious curvature of Miss Selina’s derrière and thereafter his brain was totally fogged with other thoughts.
He did remember to kiss her several times (on behalf of the whole hash, of course), to wish her and sing her “Happy Birthday” followed by a Down–Down. Due to a jealousy spat from E-shit, he was told to go and kiss the horse’s arse instead. Jono marched E-Shit over to the stables to do just that, and in the meantime Khyber invited humour from the floor, quite forgetting that Your Choice had gone to extreme lengths to procure fresh fruit salad and ice cream for about the 5th Monday running. (Refer to JM’s notes above).
So when the humour, (which was probably something of a rapid adult education for young Jono) was over, our Pressie wished us all goodnight. More than half the pack drifted off into the night to their cars.
Those who stayed to enjoy the company of our hosts and contents of the eskies were rewarded by the JM’s serving out the ice cream and fruit salad in quantities rarely seen in the hash even after the tables and benches had been stowed away in the trailer.
Another top night for the hash and thanks again to our hosts for their hospitality and horsey floor show. A real privilege, to sure, …to be sure.
Next Week’s Run 2268: 13 December 2010
Hares: Short Fuse & his diminutive co-hare Le Petit Merde Or “Little & Large”
Location: End of Starkey Street, Killarney Heights
On-On: On site, End of Starkey Street, Killarney Heights
The Menu: A surprise Bento Box, featuring true Japanese tucker including fresh Southern Ocean whale meat sushi with dollops of wasabi, pickled seaweed, puffer fish innards, and short arsed rice and all the Japanese trimmings you might or could wish for.