Pilko & Colonel Sanders at Cowan – A Virgin’s Forage in the Bush
POSH Tribune MEMO
Subject: Tales of the Misfits From Douglas Macaroni To Bwana Matata Date 12-01-2011
Google Earth : Run 2272
Bwana Matata,
Your last file from late December 2010 on the ageing and semi senile Jungle Jim made him sound like a suburban pussy cat asleep on the armchair in front of the TV. It’s not the sort of story that sells news papers. I mean, what’s the point of filing a report on some ageing Baby Boomers wannabe’s exploits of 30 and 40 years ago? And his current boring suburban lifestyle has no place in the Hash Tribune. Give me something which has a bit of sizzle and scandal, as I have asked for before.
Douglas you old erectile dysfunctional
If a bit of “sizzle and scandal” is what you want then read on…..
There is amongst the ranks of the SH3 the oldest active ‘running’ member of any hash in the world. At 86 this legendary Hashman (now a life member) is still “at it” and also running.
He rolls up every Monday evening ready and waiting for the bugle call for the start of the run. Well in his case he now walks but after a recent knee operation he has thrown away his walking stick and now leaves other hashmen of 20 and 30 years his junior well in his wake.
For years his charm and sparkling vivaciousness have won him special favouritism and attraction with the Harriettes as well as other young ladies hashing groups. Age surely has not wearied the legendary Darwin Don. The only “wheel to have fallen off his wagon” is a bit of his short term memory, but that is totally forgivable and is not dissimilar to most members of the Posh Hashmen these days anyway.
According to impeccable sources who contacted The POSH Tribune over the Christmas 2010 holiday break, Darwin Don recently fell madly in love all over again with a gorgeous young 30 year old called Jenny. So much so that they decided to get married this New Year 2011. It is still a very well kept secret, ……believe me.
Since Darwin is that bit older than her, Jenny decided that after their wedding celebrations she and Darwin should have separate bedrooms, because she was concerned that her new, but slightly more senior husband may over¬exert himself if they spent the entire night together.
After the wedding festivities Jenny prepared herself for bed, and as expected, there was gentle knock on the door. The door opened and there was Darwin Don, her 86 year old groom, ready for some amorous action, and as the saying goes…. ‘They united as one’. All went well and Darwin then took leave of his gorgeous young bride, and she prepared to go to sleep.
After a few minutes, Jenny heard another sharp knock on her bedroom door, and again it was Darwin Don. This time he was stripped down and ready for ‘more action’. Somewhat surprised, Jenny consented for some more “coupling”. When the newly weds were done, Darwin kissed his bride, bid her a fond good night and left.
Jenny was all set to go to sleep again, but, …..aha….you guessed it …..Darwin was back again, thumping on the door and was as fresh as a 25¬year¬old stud, rearing for more ‘real action’. And, once more they enjoyed each other’s bodily beauty in a slather of passionate sweat.
But as Darwin got set to leave for the third time, his young bride said to him….
“Darwin, I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with other hash blokes less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover”.
Darwin somewhat embarrassed, turned to Jenny and said: ‘You mean I’ve already visited you tonight?
The moral of Darwin’s nuptial experience is………Don’t be afraid of getting old …Alzheimer’s has its advantages, ….and nor should his new bride expect Darwin to uphold his marital fidelity vows too closely.
Yours Green with Envy,
Bwana Matata
The legendry Darwin Don enjoys some oral company
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Report of 2272, 10th January 2011
A Virgin’s Forage in the Bush
Like a bunch of 15 and 16 year old schoolboy virgins, it took the pack at least 2 or 3 attempts to penetrate the bush line and find the right opening for the run’s out trail. And once in, it was all downhill mostly sliding on our bums until we hit a trickling stream at the bottom of Ku-ring-gai’s topographical cleavage.
Lord Pilko had done what he has done best so many times before with aplomb and honed skill; he wielded the golden machete to clear a virgin track and created new links in otherwise well hashed territory. Whilst the first half of the run was mostly on new and freshly cleared tracks, the second half and homeward bound trails utilised a section of the Great North Walk. This looked very different with the recent rain and lush summer growth.
And for those who had allowed the excesses of Christmas and New Year to spread to their waist lines, this was a great opportunity to work it off with plenty of hill work, not least in the humid but overcast evening. Among those who returned to the family hash fold and worked hard to reclaim his athletic physique of yesteryear was Wally Grout. By contrast hashmen like Dicky Best arrived in time for the bucket but principally for the On-On tucker. Perhaps these two could have arranged for a straight swap of excess waistline kilos and Wally could have given the run a miss. But then he would have missed out on a great summer run cleverly put together by two old hands Lord Pilko and the ageing Crook Chook, Colonel Sanders. Late returnees to the bucket did so in the rain, proving once again that the SH3 has strong links to ‘Im up there who controls the weather for the front runners.
Run Summary: Another great summer run, again all in the bush …..as it should be.
TM Grape’s Run Marks.
Keeping pack together 3/5
Trail Marking 4/5
Trail interest 3/5
As moocher attraction no longer counts towards a good summer run, and to balance the previous summer run scores this category is automatically allocated 3 points 3/5
Total 13.0
Chilled Chook in the Scout Hall
In the last SH3 report (December 2010) we were promised consommé, followed by fresh chilled Salmon and salad and a desert to write home about. Well it nearly happened but that well known white haired, goatee bearded, bespectacled old man in charge of dead chooks decided that he would not have his namesake forsaken. And cunningly the salmon transmogrified into what the colloquial Kiwis would call “Smoked chucken fullets as big as your fust”
And so it was that 53 of us lined up to be dished with consomme, smoked chucken fullets, and the special desert was none other than Colonel Sanders’ bumper birthday cake (together with an in-laid photo of himself at an older age, and laced with more candles than any hash mathematician could count). But his birthday was also shared by Lord Pilko and Wally Grout. Down-Downs all round and a few others besides.
E-Shit was notable by his absence and so headmaster Khyber was able to dispense with his long disciplinary cane and Pee Dub was again “invited” to read out –once more without glasses-his list of ……..‘and that’s when the trouble started’ wife jokes.
The scout hall was the perfect venue with shelter from the rain and a kitchen in which to prepare the tucker. The hall was even kitted out with its own fold-up tables and individual chairs, so that we all had enough elbow room, especially Short Fuse who sat in a corner arms flailing and completely unconstrained.
Special thanks to Pilko and also to Colonel Sanders who flew up from Melbourne especially to help with the co-haring and of course to switch the main course to his personal ‘poulet’ preference.
Note for future summer run hares
The long range weather forecast for all of January and early February 2011 is for more rain and possible showers. As per Grape Ape’s recent edict….this summer it is mandatory for all hares to arrange an On-On venue close to your bush based summer run with suitable wet weather shelter facilities such as a scout hall or jumbo sized picnic shelter capable of seating at least 45. If in doubt for possible locations consult your friendly committee trail mastering officer, aka Grape Ape or even Changi.
Next Week’s Run 2273: 17 January 2011
Hares: Menstrual Man and Nautilus
Location: Montview Park Oval, via Montview Parade which is off Galston Road, HORNSBY HEIGHTS
On¬On: On Site in pavilion shelter
The Menu: Leg Ham with Chinese cabbage & noodle salad and bread rolls followed by sticky date pudding with whipped cream.