Run 2275 – 31st Jan 2011 – Sydney Hash House Harriers

Flying Scott & Flasher (Hare Maiden) – Brooklyn Dodgers…miss out

Google Earth : Run 2275
POSH Tribune MEMO

Subject: Tales of the Misfits

From Douglas Macaroni

To Bwana Matata

Date 31 January 2011

Bwana Matata,

I have heard through separate sources that you are soon to receive your very own Hash name. It should be one that suits you (Dickhead) and one that fits in with the said martial theme of your last despatch – Private Parts. I also understand that you will be under the strict control of Corporal Punishment
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Now how about getting back to your journalistic contract with the Posh Tribune and prepare some real character profiles for our eager readership.

And whilst you are about it, you’re writing style is becoming somewhat bland and repetitive. It’s time to add some colour and style to hold the readers’ attention. I suggest you consult your nemesis, that Short Fuse chappie who you submitted a file on recently. He’s obviously full of journalistic clichés (no doubt purloined from his pocket book of useful catch phrases and jorno jargons) which might amuse those Hash readers of a lower IQ

Your ever patient patron,

Douglas Macaroni

“Very droll Douglas,…How very droll !

Your comments on my proposed HASH name and martial rank are just the sort of inane comment that an ‘out-of-touch’ and envious editor would say, isn’t it?

But it so happens that a Hashman of very real upstanding character has been “Flagged” for my attention. I had missed him because he is generally a quiet and unassuming sort of bloke, but as they say “Still waters run deep”.

A self proclaimed “Purveyor to Her Majesty” (the Queen one presumes) is how he likes to refer himself. One therefore has to ponder quite what he purveys; most of all in this liberal land where gay and colourful flags fly freely, especially up and down Oxford Street and where there are many ‘Queens and Majesties’ to be perved at and purveyed for.
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All tied up with rainbows along Oxford Street

However I also refer to my earlier despatch on ‘Last Card Louis’ which clearly stated………

“POSH Hash Golden Rule No. 1 NO POOFTERS”…

However this hashman neither looks like a purveyor to poofters, nor a vendor, stockist or outlet source for or to “queens”, hand (job) maidens or the like. ….So what does he do?

Clearly Lord Pilko is a true Blue Royalist, he is a “man’s man” as they say, who is now most upset by this year’s Australia Day idle and desultory talk of a Republic and a new National Flag.

“Those damned Rebel Republicans have gone Bush and Troppo, ….What?” he retorted. And the new national flag designs have even lost his favourite inset Union JACK. This is a real poke in the eye for his beloved Queen and Country. “It’s just not Cricket ….ehhh?

His store keeper is being earbashed daily by Lord Pilko about stocking a variety of new “National” flags for those ‘bloody mental masturbating republican upstarts’.
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Some of the dastardly new national flag designs which Lord Pilko has been summoned to store at his secret purveying warehouse

“What’s wrong with what we have?” he thundered at the TV news reader last week. “Whatever next?” …

Well….apparently it gets worse. With all this Australiana republican zeal racing around, the Federal Government is soon to pass a bill through parliament which will ban traditional old English convict food.

“Politically incorrect and insensitive” whimpered a limp wristed, rainbow tied Greenie in the house of reps (who will remain nameless as most of them are pink), and instead all stevedores, caterers, wholesalers and the like, must purvey 40, 0000 years of tried and tested Aboriginal tucker at social gatherings, BBQ;s and Hash On-Ons.

Poor old Lord Pilko is thunderstruck. His legendary and favourite SH3 On-On convict meal of Corned beef, mashed spuds and mushy peas, all washed back with a bottle or two of stout or Shiraz, will by government decree, soon be changed to raw Witchetty grubs, yams and Goanna’s tail half cooked in burning embers with the skin still on. Oh yes, I almost forgot to mention …no tomato or BBQ sauce will be allowed for the Hash boys to lubricate their evening meal with.

It’s a tragedy that has Lord Pilko seriously thinking about repatriating to Old Blighty after 40 years or more of upholding all the true blue values of Queen and Country in this land of heat and dust, rains and floods and not least, glorious hashing.

“Poofetrs, Greens and Republicans be buggered ” he was heard cursing at the last On-On, which is exactly what poofters are.

Yours in Grief,

Bwana Matata

Run No. 2275 Monday 31^st January

Brooklyn or Bust

Every now and then one or two pairs of hares put in a swag of hard yards and treat the hash to a traditional and well planned run to keep us happy. After all, the summer runs are the pinnacle of our hashing tradition. There is just a very short, shortlist of hares who can always be relied upon to be inventive, thoughtful and also downright stupid enough to battle against the heat, the sweat, the flies and scratchy bush and carve out new links in old time hashing country. But thank God they do!

The always dependable Flying Scotsman and his virgin handmaid Flasher started the trail recceing until his blushing maid cried off with period pains. But as always our ever ebullient, irrepressible and bullish TM Grape Ape stepped in and fucked everything up by slashing away half the bush with his new toy, a razor harp PNG machete of pirate proportions, and reduced the length of the run by almost half to make a half decent run.

In spite of Grape Ape’s best efforts, it had most things that all hashmen love apart from an 18 year old nymphomaniac together with a cold glass of ‘James Squire’:- seafront footpaths, beaches, steep rocky goat track trails, cave dwellers trash, rocky ridgeline lookout points, fire trails and lots of hills to work up a well earned thirst. Being one of the hottest days of the year there were more than enough check backs than is good for the front runners’ psyche. And a real thirst was worked up in massive measure. Scotsman learned from last week’s major XXXX misdemeanour, and the bucket was kept full and cold until the last hashman had has his pull.

We were visited by a pair of young Poms, which included an “honory hashman” of the female gender courtesy of Changi’s magnanimous invite – which created a minor ‘log jam’ on the steep climb with no-one too keen to overtake our female guest’s curvaceous derriere. It was their (the Poms) first hash run …ever …and they thought it so good that they have vowed to join a hash group when they get back to Pommieland, well Birmingham actually. Not that the dark satanic mills of ‘Brum’ can turn on either the terrain or runs of this quality. There was also another interloper, Ian, a mate of Calici (we didn’t know he had any other mates outside the Hash) who lived 3 doors down from the McKells Park. Ian even brought along his bride for the On-On as the tucker smelt better than their home cooking.

Another top summer run in country not visited in many years. Scotsman’s dedication to the cause has set a standard hard to equal for this season.

The TM’s Run Marks.

Keeping pack together 4/5

Trail Marking 4.5/5

Trail interest 4/5

Moocher detraction 3.5/5_

Total 16

Hot Food on a Warm Evening

Being on high ground McKell Park picked up a zephyr of a cooling sea breeze as it got dark. The park also had a clutch of picnic shelters and picnic tables to help out on the catering facilities. A perfect locale to host our On-On. The roll call was larger than expected given the warmth of the day, and having driven or trained all the way to Brooklyn, except for Calici’s mate, few if anyone was going to mooch from here.

So thanks again to both the hares and Grape Ape; they all pulled together and laid on a real top spread of home made fresh Middle eastern seasoned Lamb meat patties, (almost as good as McDonalds quarter pounder, whopper burgers), ‘Turkish bread’, homemade humus dip, and a bucket load of tossed salad with dressing; Consequently there was plenty left over with seconds for the usual ever greedy bastards. Followed once more this summer with chilled home made fruit salad and yogurt. So the JM’s practically had the night off their allocated committee catering duties. Not bad ehh?

Our esteemed President was AWOL somewhere and as the Colour Sergeants and scouts were unable to find him Your Choice stood up and did the MC’s job for the night.