STUNNING AND STUNNER DUD THE HASH WITH DUBIOUS CHEQUE BACKS AT CROWS NEST
Stunning Jack and Bunny Stunner promised all and sundry, and there was a lot of those, a prompt meal would be served at 8.30pm precisely, comprising half your own weight of Rogan Josh and Butter Chicken, and large arrows for seconds. So with that incentive, the hungry bastards charged off to immediately encountering a myriad of nasty check-backs that only Stunning Jack could dream up. But with the scent of the Curry to Come strong in their nostrils, they sped through Brennan Park on down under the Waverton Railway Bridge where the Pack refused to believe the Green Signal double arrow turn. Consequently, promptly lost themselves down a series of dark alleys, they blamed Spud because he has a reputation for haunting dark alleys. Being a trusting, kindly soul even Plunger was fooled and obligingly re-marked the Trail the wrong way, at least getting them out of the alleys to the relief of the local homeless ones. Finally the attraction of molesting a group of little boys playing soccer brought them to Waverton Park and back on Trail. The Round Ball game failed to impress Water Bed or XXXX, who would have preferred to have kicked a few Behinds.
In keeping with the sporting moment, the Mob steamed off to Balls Head to be treated to magnificent harbour views, then looped around HMAS Waterhen down more stairs with Check-Backs, and a very clear “Sorry” marked. It was a nice touch but we learnt later it was for Bunny Stunner the co-hare, if he stumbled down those godforsaken paths. Not normally one to stray from the straight and narrow, Chastity gave his knee a Belt, leaving blood and skin on a rock as a momento. So leaving half of him behind, The Mob took off along Milray, passed Wollstonecraft Station, finally up the Highway to the Bucket, and the 8.30 appointment at The Bombay.
There we were joined by some refugees from the Unmentionable Mosman Marauders and a large contingent of Boat Borne Untouchables. The quality of the food was of high quality and so was the price. Stunning Jack said a Lower Price would probably have brought Lower Quality and Longer Waiting Time. Not exactly strong selling points. Understandably the dark skinned contingent started to leave rapidly when the usual attempt at humour commenced. In a nice parting gesture one of the Boat People passed Tick Tock a copy of an Indian joke for next time.
THERE IS GOOD NEWS AND BAD NEWS
Firstly, Stunning Jack is most apologetic in regard to his inability to provide the Carbonised Smoke Enema for the demonstration on Monday at the Last Train. Apparently, so we are told, he intended to bring the personal one from his racing yacht, “Breaking Wind”, but unfortunately it is currently under repair. It is interesting to learn as to how and why Stunning J acquired the said CS Enema. An unofficial source at the Yacht Club informed us confidentially, that he was fed up with paying for the continual paint jobs due to guests hanging off the stern of “Breaking Wind” to do a dump and staining the paint work. It was either the Enema or them allowing them to use the toilet below, ponging out the boat and turning the steaks green. So he got onto the Indian Call Centre, where Jacko buys cheap underwear. A heavy Indian accent responded, “Yellow ?”. SJ said “What ? Eh Hello”, all he got in reply was “Yellow ? ”, Yellow ?”. Modesty prevents us from printing Stunning Jack’s reply. After having repaired the handset, he got on to Ebay and picked up a cheap French version from Merde Encore, a shadowy second-hand store in Marseilles from who Kyber imports roller skates and illuminated sandals.
Stunning J is of course a smart bastard. He cleverly varied the cigarette smoke required by only using “Camel” tobacco. This results in the infused smoke introduced into the rectum actually blocking the back passage instead of relieving it, blocking it just long enough until he can drop the desperate dumpers off at the Marina. In the interim, they are asked to walk slowly up and down the deck and on no account to sit down.
We are told, Stunning Jack undertakes the Enema procedure very seriously. One of his guests, who doesn’t want to be named, said he wears a surgical mask so no one is embarrassed by seeing his face as he inserts the business end up them. They do say there has been occasions when he has needed to hold the occasional protesting female down during the procedure.
The Bad News is the cost of procuring a Carbonised Smoke Enema and a Defibtech to be carried by the Trail Master on all Hash Runs has drained Hash Funds to such an extent, the AGM has been cancelled but you will get the Year Book and an ornamental walking stick. The President said the health of the Hash had to come first, particularly as the more elderly could be caught short at any time.