In Praise of Pilko, Past & Present
& Menstrual ‘Machete’ Man’s Hillside Hump __________________________________________________________________
Now, was this a run or was it a walk? Which briefly reminds me of the nursery rhyme about the Grand Old Duke of York……..
who marched his men…. up to the top of the hill,
And he walked them down again…
And when they were up, they were up,
And when they were down they were down,
And when they were only half way up, They were neither up nor down.
And as we ambled lethargically into the bush away from No. 80 Quarry Road Dural, I also wondered where all the sporting enthusiasm of yesteryear had gone from our now socially orientated hashing brethren. And then it came to me in a flash…what about rejuvenating the SH3 By God!! Yes, why not apply some codes from the ‘Baghdad Hash’ which I experienced just before Christmas.
Baghdad Hash has no time for all this mamby–pamby idle social and sports complacency.
Just switch a few markings around and the boys will be like twenty-something’s again. It goes something like this:-
On Arrows Gunshot strafe marks on the walls, buildings and rocks. Follow them.
Checks….. Live snipers from the roof tops and rock outcrops. This keeps the boys moving really fast!
Check Backs IED’s under the trail or close to the hash trail. Just watch the boys run back to the last spot for cover and find a safe way through.
Needless to say the Baghdad hash pack remains small and v e r y fast with a high turnover of members……but what the hec!….Wouldn’t you like to live out your life in your twenties all over again (with the prowess and virility that goes with this age) for a few glorious years rather than a lingering old age with a daily cocktail of pills, props and ailments? ..
But I digress …..Last Monday Major D discreetly slipped me a hash report of one of Pilkos’ runs from 21 years ago. The legendary Pilko has upheld his traditional standards. If there isn’t a trail were he wants one, then by God he’ll make one, even if it’s across the roughest and steepest terrain. And that’s exactly what we got. It was so reminiscent of the old days that I quote an extract from his run report No. 1316…30-09-1992…On Pilko’s most famous run; ‘The Galston Horror’ of the early eighties.
We even had to bury one of the visitors. Poor misguided wretch. Lured to the Hash run on that fateful evening by ill founded rumours of conviviality and friendship, he tripped and fell down a cliff. Shrieking profanities and heaped curses upon the House of Pilko, he went arse over bollocks out of sight. Fortunately there were a few kind and thoughtful hashmen nearby to do the right thing; they rolled a few boulders down after him to give him a respectful Christian burial. .
Thankfully little has changed in all these years. Pilko and Menstrual ‘Machete’ Man slashed and bludgeoned their way down to Benowie Creek from the pleasant sweeping lawns of Menstrual’s mate’s ranch. And having single filed our way down the valley and across the creek, with the aid of ropes, (a luxury rarely afforded in the early eighties), we headed uphill through scrub and boulders to the wide open and level ground of the Benowie Walking Trail.
Ahhhh….. peace and pleasantness at last. And more still …. “Lo and Behold”…..’Spring Valley’ water bottles and crystal plastic cups for the thirsty. Was this some kind of Egyptian offering for burying the dead amongst us? Plunger and his Norwegian running brother-in-law/mate Kanute, consumed the reviving liquid and even carried a full tumbler to Jungle Jim, who was clearly ‘doing it tough’. Poor bloke Jungle…he was diagnosed as an Engineer at the tender age of 6, and has been practicing energy sustainability ever since. Last week it was reported that he did the walkers trail in case he used too much power and energy, and this week he was seen shortcutting and pacing himself to a T at every twist and bend in the trail. The purified waters added spring to his step which is just as well as there were plenty to come.
The ‘peace and pleasantness’ was all too short lived as we soon headed down the hill again and back across the creek. Hot goss in the ranks was that the rain on the previous Sunday afternoon had claimed the scalp and knees of Pilko, when he succumbed to his own dastardly trail traps by slipping into a rock pool by Fishponds crossing further upstream. Thereafter the full monty trail was abandoned …a first for Pilko. Age shall not weary him. Certainly his limp on the evening was convincing, and so we were forced to march back up the hill in the Grand Old Duke of York style. And sweaty it was too.
Compensation was waiting for us at the bucket. Snags and shandy preceded a cold meal on a kool evening. The whimps who bottled out by thinking that Dural is some place at the other side of Australia, were born tossers and losers. Tucker for the night was at its usual high mark. Chasity Belt spent hours rolling and primping platters of smoked salmon to 3 Hat presentation standards. That’s the kind of bloke he is…..but only when he’s in town. This was followed by a selection of cheese cakes all washed back by sommelier selected wines.
The beer swilling rugger buggers featured on Major’s Run Report of 30th September 1992 have clearly aged and gentrified, even if Pilko is still rolling out gut busting hill side runs of yesteryear. And good on him.
Your Hash Journo