The Alchemy of Sheep Dips & Maximus at Deep Creek
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‘An Apology’
This apology is not in any way, nor should be confused with the word “SORRY”
I learned these weasel words from Jackboot Johnny Howard, way back when so we could avoid any form of libel and subsequent financial settlement with the other male ‘brethren’ down at Deep Creek last Monday night!
So this is to apologise to all those “horny” young and middled old aged men who like to cruise and meet others of the same persuasion down at Deep Creek ‘per chance’ that they may fall into manly love…whatever that means. Well that was made pretty damn obvious by the graffiti in the male toilet wall…..”Cock Sucking at 3pm daily…Don’t be late!”
So Brockie and Sheep Dip and the rest of our fanny loving, heterosexual hash pack spoiled some of the bum boys exploratory ventures for the night, and instead of the Deep Creek reserve being a sucking and blowing homo joint, it thankfully and rightfully became homo-social evening……And BIG time.
As there is some t’riffik hashing territory around Deep Creek, I guess that’s what lured them in, and not the “manly luving, cruisin’ boys”.
And so, just as the hares PROMISED, they delivered something really different, and didn’t they do well?
Starting off across the creek over the metal bridge, the walkers and runners were quickly separated. Whores Whisperer was becalmed at the bifurcation in the trail, standing tall and proud in his voluminous chequered spinnaker shorts, obviously looking for a strong blow job to fill his sails. It came soon enough, but not in the way he would have preferred ….A call from the TM and we all followed the trail along the creek.
Chastity Belt is now looking for a good audiologist to straighten out his sense of hearing. Having erroneously led us across the creek, over a dangerous and dodgy fallen tree trunk, he claimed that he heard voices (from heaven?) calling “from ooop on the ’hill… on the other side o’ the creek”. Personally I think that Chastity ought to check-in with a spiritual medium or the new Pope, ‘Papa Frank’. He has real potential in his new “calling”
3 or more ‘check-backs’ had many of the pack sucked in, (strictly in the hashing sense I hasten to add) but with no regrets really as the territory became more and more interesting. And soon we were working our way up hill. A warm humid night brought a gentle perspiration to most as we slugged our way up and onto a fire trail. We soon caught up with a few walkers and of course the usual CWA, which, this week, included Carefree, Swampy and the ever predictable Cpt Bligh. But as our thirst for the bucket was increasing, we ripped passed them like cheetahs..so we thought . Well ….all things are relative, aren’t they?
What goes up MUST come down, and we followed a ‘you-beaut’ trail “loike wot oive” never seen before. Which brought us out onto the main road by Middle Creek Reserve, about a 1km from home. Which meant that the late starters (well only Tic Toc really) could romp their way home in the half light on a brand new, super wide, boardwalk running between Narrabeen Lake and the Wakehurst Parkway.
This run had all the right ingredients of a top summer run…It doesn’t get any better than this. And really well marked too.
There’s always one intelligent idiot in the hash. Is this a true oxymoron or is he just a moron? Anyway the board walk must have cost hundreds of $$ millions, with seats perfectly located with beaut lakeside views, direction signs and interpretive boards, lookout platforms and of course its own purpose designed and built pedestrian/cycle bridge across Deep Creek. So it was a joy to watch our very own Simmo think that he could do better than all the other runners by short cutting straight across the main road BEFORE the bridge (thus stranding himself on the wrong side of the creek and almost getting himself run over in the bargain). And one wonders how he has maintained a successful business all these years! Perhaps we should re-name him Dimmo.
We all rolled into home for the bucket just as the light faded. A top run by two dab hands from old.
But the quality of the evening didn’t stop there. Actually it got even better. Also as promised the starters were spread out accompanied by tons of fresh bread and coronary good tasting fresh butter with Antipasto (you know, the usual salamis cheeses, olives pickles etc) all washed down with Champagne (well sparkling white wine if one had to ask those pesky Frenchmen…….but Frenchie wasn’t asked…was he?). However CentrePoint insists on representing the Sheilas of this world by drinking PINK…..or sometimes referred to as Rosé. Well someone had to bring a touch of estrogen to Deep Creek for the night.
Darwin Don thought that the starter was the main meal; stalled, spluttered and stopped. He had to be revived, kick started again and persuaded that more and better was to yet come. Which he did with relish. Hot Coronation Chicken, spuds and green been salads were followed by lashings of a homemade Tiramisu for dessert.
Darwin, as well as most hashmen, have a second stomach when it comes to 3 hat tucker, especially for a course dinner by Master Chef graduates (with scholarship) with lakes of first class beers and wines. This made your $25-00 one of the best value for money meals that you could find in town, or anywhere for that matter. The humour was up to its usual mark too, and consensus was that last Monday was one of those all time great nights that make this POSH hash so special… Now doesn’t that give you a warm fuzzy feeling?
But what drives such hashmen as Maximus Minimus and Sheep Dip to come together? And…. Who Do We Think They Really Are? For those who only THINK they know our august hares then T H I N K again. In short your clues this week are … ‘Sus scrofa domesticus’, barley, highland water and a little time.
This week’s search team reveals a whole new dimension to our 3 Hat catering mates. I’ll start with the odd one, shall I? Actually you, …broad minded hash reader, have no friggin’ choice in the matter. So read on……
Sheep Dip:
I suppose you think that ‘Sheep Dip’ is the process of forcing some poor, innocent wooly bleater to jump and swim through a trench full of stinking, filthy, putrid liquid to rid the poor beast of ticks, fleas and other nasties. Well how dumb and misguided can one get?
And why would any self respecting hashman call his 3 hat catering mate after such an awful liquid? Or even a sodden stinking sheep!
So Listen in, and listen well!
Sheep Dip is a revered Malt Whisky, at least an 8 Year Old Vatted Single Malt Scotch Whisky. Despite its iconoclastic name, it is a genuinely great whisky. (Goon Show please take note that it is spelt without an “e”…that’s the Irish version, OK?).
The name came about because Sheep Dip’s Pommie ancestors (those sheep shafting farmers of the northern highlands) long referred to their whisky as “Sheep Dip”.
You see, there was a time when these highland sheep farmers distilled their own homemade whisky, and to avoid paying exorbitant taxes to the nasty revenue man, they hid their evil home distilled whisky in oak barrels marked “Sheep Dip”. They continued this farming tradition by entering cases of whisky as ‘Sheep Dip’ on farmers’ bills and accounts so pulling the wool over their wives’ and the tax man’s eyes.
Colour: Rich, golden copper highlights.
Nose: Delicate and refined. Soft sensual floral notes arise in perfect harmony supported by an attractive array of complex fruit flavours. Melon, pear and orange with a hint of almonds conclude this profusion of charming nuances.
And if you don’t bloody well believe me …Well look no further…….
Note the well deserved, well earned reputation and namesake of our very own Ship Dip.
And now for our Maximus Minimus mate who you might have thought of as the original Roman Centurion until none other than Russell Crowe came along and eclipsed MM with his own rendition of “Gladiator”
But ….WRONG and Wrong again
Actually I doubt if the Gladiator, or ‘Maximus Minimus’, would even know how to boil and bloody egg…let alone feed 60 starving hashmen to bellyful satisfaction.
Maximus Minimus -Gladiator? WRONG and Wrong again
Actually our “Max-Min-Mate” is a true catering professional, who has his very own mobile service which he brings out only on special occasions. After failing miserably and being deported from several Middle Eastern and other Muslim countries for trying to promote humanitarian meats (as opposed to Halal meat and Sus scrofa domesticus), he limped back into Sydney many years ago and bought a share in Paul Keating’s swine business…and My My…he did so well.
At lunch times he would kerb crawl the downtown streets ploughing his trade by purveying top quality porky based lunches. It became so successful that he even converted his old Kombie van into ….yup…you guessed it……into a mobile Porky Pig.
“Sure, Sure” …I hear you say. “Another blooming ‘Porkie’ from the lying hash journo. None of them in that trade could ever lie straight in a bed”
OK, so check out the private eye undercover photos taken of Maximus Minimus’ lunchtime food dispensary.
Fuck the hash trailer, lets engage Maximus Minimus full time during the summer months and give the JM’s a break…… ..all they would need to do then is serve up the grog.
And talking of Hash Grog, by unprecedented demand from the baying hash mob, our resident Sommelier (S Bends) has provided you with some vital statistics, full of pontificating phrases and hyperbolic verbosity on what you drank on Monday night. But let no one dare to contradict our Sommelier’s words as he works hard to keep you fully satisfied each and every week. So on with …..’Wine of the Week’.
Mitcham Estate Shiraz 2010
Big juicy spurts of flavour up front and keeps on going and builds with every
lip smacking sip! Enticing aromas of dark berry fruits and plums are
complemented with hints of spice and sage followed with notes of toasted
French oak.
This medium to full bodied wine exhibits flavours of mulberries, dark plums
and black currants that burst into the mouth, the palate is smooth and
flavoursome allowing natural fruit and oak tannins to balance perfectly for a
delicious lingering finish.
I came across these very smart global suppliers of tremendous value. South
Australian wines, and here is a smashing example of really, really good
Shiraz from Limestone Coast, so I hope you enjoy and let all your mates get
in on the action.
Your Hash Journo