The Sydney Morticia Hareld
First Run 1967 O N O N . A L W A Y S . Number 2435 March 3, 2014
RUN REPORT DUFFYS FOREST LURCH & ROMMEL
You Ran? You Walked? You supped? You soaked!
March 1941: When Field Marshal Rommel planned his frightening offensive in Northern Africa he drew up his strategic thrust on vellum, setting out a plan of attack that is admired by enemies, losers, and of course winners to this day (although of course, everyone hates a winner). Had The Desert Fox been assisted by Lurch of Arabia he might have achieved much more. Leap forward to March 3, 2014, 1941 hours, we find today’s Lurch of Echunga and Field Martial Rommel, preparing an entire campaign not on vellum, or on a ripped out UBD page, or Google maps, but—on the back of a discarded demand envelope from the ATO. Almost from the start Colonel Sanders, Major Disaster Disaster, Major Tom, Captain Bligh and General de Gaulle were crashing through Perimeter Track to break the back of Nerang Track and cross our old friend Smith’s Creek. Moments later Goonshow and Spud took the lead of 40 Poshmen until trouble occurred as to the clarity of a check. This found Your Choice, Scud, Yakkity and Plunger foundering in theForest of Duffy. Formerly Last Card Louis darted past Lightning andCinders, for an instant. (Immediately on the scene another shadowy figure appeared wearing camouflage came stomping along with a walking stick, his lips moving as if rehearsing a joke–stolen from PeeDub? Usually reliable sources allege this was S Bends. Message to this incognito infidel, you can hide, but you can’t run).Yes, Lurch of Echunga and Field Mouse Rommel had laid a cunning trail that began beside the Duffy in the Buffy Nudist Colony (Motto: We’re slippery when Wet). Members didn’t have much on apparently so invited the Posh to share the terrain, with the caveat that The Arbitrator and 4Xstay fully clothed (more of this recalcitrant Hound later). Herr Klein Schitt had been volunteered by official Trailmaster Moishe (who is devoting his waking—and sleeping—hours to medical science in the interests of safe sex for all mankind—and womankind, they need safe sex too, you know—and was languishing in the M*A*S*H tent awaiting the attention of Matron). Herr Schitt (Klein) took up the challenge, and the envelope. Cleverly deciphering the running words and symbols, Herr Schitt (Klein) with the aid of Rommel’s staff , not his staff car, shepherded runners and those just walkin’ in the rain, for example,Virginus, Wanker and Wrappa (whose 81st birthday last week was celebrated with some equally mature mates such as Khyber, and God Knows until no-one could remember their own names, let alone where they were supposed to be on a Friday evening, which is anticipating a successful badge draw at the Northbridge Golf Club.. Achtung WrappHappy Bidet). Of course this run was totally familiar territory for these two old soldiers, having hashed it frequently more than 30 years earlier, before the Terrey Hills Golf Club was a gleam in Mr Hills’ eye. Meanwhile in news just to hand Pay-Ling has been skiing in Utah before catching a huge chest infection, and reports had him wishing he was back in the warmth of a night in the Duffys Forest M*A*S*H marquee with Moishe.
Officer Rommel and Gentleman Lurch regaled the bucket brigadiers with tales of the Terrey Hills quarry that was really a shit-hole—now it’s the 8th hole. Finally the wet ones returned to the home of Duffy in Buffy where all were pampered beneath the PeeDub erection—a tarp as massive as the Posh Diet Club. (Message to those currently thinking of abandoning the club: If you have to put a scale under each foot and add up the kilos, it’s time to get back on that diet). Well, all were back except 4X. Plans were immediately formulated using both sides of the wet envelope, and it was decided: send out a posse of 12 good men to locate the old 4X using skills honed in the recent MajorDD escapade—but more of that later.
Before the 40 hungry Hashers sat down in the cosy camp whose walls of darkness brought everyone’s bottom together on benches of bonhomie, it was observed that the ever-present Presidential Music was missing. Was it his birthday he sought to avoid? No, really, how would you like to be 61? The policy of management meant that the All-Stars all moved up one, and there were signs that it may have gone to their heads, the lower levels scrambling to collect the dripping trash of putrid plastic bags to place quietly in unsuspecting dump bins, far from the scene of the dine. Soon the multitude were tucking into Pilko-sauced, Jungle-juiced gorgeously natural chicken breasts without plumage, implants or nipples, basted in red jus, possibly mercurochrome, featuring Executive Chef Pilko’s secret herbs and spices, accompanied by capsicum and snow peas salad and spud á là mud. Then the Dessert Fox presented his piece of least resistance from Fraulein Sara Lee..hmmm, indescribable.
4X? Oh yes. The dirty dozen set out through the downpour, torches vainly flickering in the soaking bush (who brings fully charged up torches in summer, I ask you?), carefully picking their way along treacherous ill-formed tracks over clawing crevices, until NEWS! Was it good? Someone checked with Hill of Grace to warn her of possible Disaster, and discovered that the 4X was, of all places—home. All agreed he is a case. A case of Penfold’s Bin 389..which will be offered to each search party member—the All-Star Committee knows the identity of each potential recipient, largely the All-Stars but could also include Cinders and Bum Crack, and will handle distribution at no extra charge to 4X. Other humour appeared from out of the darkness. Pedantic received a downdown for attempting to fill a glass-bottom mug–from the bottom. (Pedantic went see his doctor the other day, and was surprised that she asked him to disrobe. Still he said, she is a good optometrist). Jungle Jim, having returned from his walk on the wild side down Mallacoota way with Ayatollah , Grape, Menstrual Man, Goonshow, and Changi,showed off his new Vinnie’s of Vaucluse sports shoes, but would not be drawn on the suggestion that the trekkers ran out of water, yet not wine during their week-long venture…The laughter continued thanks to JTR, S Bends, Jungle, Rommel and TToc.