The Sydney Mafiosa Hareld ____________
First Run 1967 O N O N . A L W A Y S Number 2450 June 16, 2014
RUN REPORT JUNE 16 / MANLY VALE/ YAWS JOIST & BRUISER THE VIRUS
Distance: 8.14km / Elevation Gain: 68m / Calories burnt: 787c
“Usual suspect”(and cohort) in
cahoots with Calabrians
The Scene: the notorious Calabrian Club, in maleficent Manly Vale. The oldest-established permanent floating Hash game near Newport. Mafioso mobsters mingle with the sensuously rhythmic rumbaficionados in the adjacent darkness. Norty Nautilus (well-known porn voyeur is hissing out of the side of his thin lips to Hanoi Bill of Goods and Shell Game Max the Ayatollah and, listening intentlyVillainous Virginus: “did ya see that pitcher of Kitty Glitter bein’ shook down by his moll in last week’s Nooseletter? Priceless! My young scouts loved it.”
As they waited impatiently for their chow, a forest of personal age signs stood before an army of ageless gang members. Wait? Hard to see if they would for the trees: there was Benny the Swede Scam (76), Supergun (68), Captain Blight (78), Snarley (70), Trailblazer Moishe the Monster (71) who was delighted to wait until everyone had taste-tested their meals before feeling confident enough to accept his own load of luscious lasagne, a Calabrian specialty with real body. Next was Darwin the Don (107), Deep and Often Fried Spud (69) the killer Commanche, his throbbing machine between his legs, not to mention his and Fatboy Harley parked outside, a harbinger of things to come in the back alleys of Newport (where the Godfather Pheasant Plucker is said to be recovering well from a bout with a contract virus and chemical weaponry). Then Bunco Bigamist (74), and Grime Boss Dirty Wotten Wombat (83) whose half-arsed muss-tache, was the result of kissing a black pussy that came away, or his way. Whatever.
Suddenly Mob Boss Maniacal Music tuned in to the rhythm and targeted two henchmen, Your Shout (who sets nine-out-of-ten challenges in the absence of others who refuse offers they cannot, who will soon be dragooned) and Bruiser the Bunny, hauling them to the court of no appeal before the menacing mob. Their crime: spontaneously planning an escape route through the fearsomely flat terrain of Manly Vale, designed to keep the mob moving, keeping their eyes peeled for tiny clues, such as tiny chalk arrows. Especially noted were Don Darwin flying along the darkened trail of Lagoon Park with Snarley, discussing longevity obtainable from frequent visits to a health shop. Highly recommended are tetrasodium, lindeamidopropyl, dimonium, cacao, aloe barbadensis, passiflora, methylchlorsolthiazolinone and anthenis nobilus. To reverse the effect a Smith & Wesson will do the trick.
Jack the Rapacious Ripper together with Yakkity the Yelling Yak had difficulty overhauling Simmo the Sting on the crazy paving of Palm, Pittwater, Queenscliff, Cavill, Dudley, Crown and Bridge roads slalom. Then, to the distant sounds of Mr Neat the Kneecapper reprising his virtuoso performance of mime at Manly Golf Club, and past the ominous anonymous white van proclaiming PEACE CAN BE OUR FUTURE (it’s in all of us), the incredibly specious Papa Payling, Butt-plug Bumcrack, Baron von Beretta 9mm, FlimFlam FoxFace, and Fraudulent Frenchie, all but overtook Ambush Moishe the Amuck who had keel-hauled his Achilles Heel back into service to arrive at the bucket of peace, exhausted but…alive.
Meanwhile back at the Calabrian Club, The Gadfather Music then punished the said Kitty the Guilt-ridden Grafter for “winning” another race on the mean streets of Mosman, modestly displaying his chest of medals so no-one would see. Then Hanoi Bill of Goodswas forced to suffer beer boarding having made it thru a particularly rough patch of bowel reduction therapy. Honor among thieves. Well honor and offer, as Runaway Sue, an innocent bystander was inveigled into swallowing Music’s offering. Regrettably, even that respite was unable to overcome the reluctance of Pound for Pound PeeDub and Hot to Trot TicToc from regaling the assemblage with laffter..due to the secret language this would entail (for your eyes only, some gratuitous compensation). The last straw was the sight of a glass half empty of hooch that remained after the mob’s departure. A whistle-blower and forensic are helping Mr Big with his enquiries, since this was a first in the history of all mob history.
Pix from this week..(just click the link and then hit slideshow) Special message to GOD KNOWS Click here7 old buddy!
Next week: BIGAMIST & AYATOLLAH
Run 2451– Monday, June 23 2014 –6:30p.m.
JOINT HARES: BIGAMIST & AYTOLLAH
START: BETTY CUTHBERT AVE CARPARK, Cnr River Road outside subway ERMINGTON
ON-ON: GOURMET PALACE CHINESE RESTAURANT (upstairs room) end of alleyway next to subway
TORCHES? Yes, very important. Who knows what you might encounter in darkest…? Where is it again?
WHY YOU SHOULD NOT MISS THIS RUN:
You get: Vaginal Hashing territory in Ermington (where the f**k is Ermington?).
Good old fashion Chinese,you know chop suey, (MSG for all LOL..“Rots of Ruck”)
OFTEN ON THE ROAD AGAIN
Those four intrepid Shitboxers Music, Jungle, Calici and TToc are back from the Rally…having thundered 4,000ks* from Perth toDarwin across the Pilbara and Kimberley in our trusty rust buckets (which never let us down). More than $1.5mil was raised for Cancer research (tnx so much to all you generous donors to our effort). After every great day driving the desert, thru water crossings, and on the treacherous Gibb River Road, we wallowed in bitterly cold beers, and excellent dinners provided by local volunteers. The cars? Sold inDarwin, also for Cancer. Next year? From Canberra to Townsville via the Birdsville Track.
*Jungle and Calici added another 4,000ks from Syd-to-Perth. Were they mad?
Miss Baddy Memorial Run
SATURDAY 28 JUNE 2014, WATSONS BAY 2 P.M.
Start : Robertson Park , corner of Marine Parade and Clovelly Street, Watsons Bay.
-OnOn Old Hand
and all our other members celebrating lately:Nautilus, Scud, Yakkity Yak, Moishe, S Bends, Duckweave, Lost Patrol, Melbourne Max, Lightning, Spud. —OnOn from your Mob Boss President Musicman and the All-Star Committee . With contributions from world-wide sources, Bigamist, Changi, Duckweave, Flasher, Jack the Ripper, Kitty, Khyber, Moishe, S Bends and Your Choice for the always excellent run maps and gems…OnOnTToc
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