“ I NEVER MAKE PREDICTIONS, PARTICULARLY ABOUT THE FUTURE”
Before we leave Christmas Festivities behind, two pieces of news were poked under my front door as I was slobbering over my third piece of Christmas Pudding. Naturally they were in plain brown paper envelopes and unsigned. A next door neighbour who was woken up by the mysterious messenger running through his flower beds, said he thought the little swine was wearing a red t-shirt.
You really have to feel for the Hash Man concerned in the first story, who is believed to have been Bum Crack. The story is unconfirmed, because Mrs Bum Crack said he is not taking any calls at this stage.
So. We are led to believe BC was on his way home rather late, in fact very late from Absolutely Last Chance’s Super Dooper Christie Doo. It was around 3am, he must have just dropped off “No Knickers”, when he was pulled over by the Fuzz. He passed the Booze Test. Just. The young constable then had the bloody hide to ask the unfortunate Bum Crack what such an elderly person as himself was doing out so late.
Quick as a flash, BC replied, “ I am on my way to attend a lecture on the effects on the aged human body of alcohol abuse and sleep deprivation.” It took some time for the young Fuzz to take this all in, he then said with a tone of extreme sarcasm in his voice, “Really ? And who may I ask is giving this lecture at 3am in the morning ?”
“My Wife”, replied Bum Crack.
The second story is equally heart rending. Once again the identity of the Hash Man concerned is unconfirmed but believed to be Bunny Trapper, who we understand had a very quiet Christmas. For very good reasons which you will soon realise.
Apparently Mrs Bunny Trapper had been toiling away for several hours on Christmas morning, preparing a particularly succulent seasoning to go with the turkey. She then placed it outside the kitchen to cool on a small table. Moments later, as Bunny was noisily slurping away on the remainder of a bottle of Mt Langi Shiraz 1993, there came an agonising shriek from the kitchen. Staggering somehow to his feet, spilling a drop of the precious Mt Langi Shiraz 1993 down the front of his “new” Christmas shirt ( one of those gifts that you automatically hate receiving) in the process, Bunny stumbled into the kitchen. “Everything alright dear,” he mumbled.
“NO !” Madame BT shouted, “YOUR dog has just eaten my special seasoning !”
“Oh”, said Bunny, “I’ll miss that dog”.
As I said, Bunny had a very quiet Christmas.
AND NOW FOR SOMETHING ENTIRELY DIFFERENT – THE BORONIA BASH AT IL BOLONAISE
With end of the Monsson Season having arrived, those who missed out on the Last Chance Extravaganza, made up for it by turning out for the Boronia Bash in brilliant sunshine. Once again festivities were well supported by the Ladies, all having received their personal invitations from Darwin Don. In addition, there were representatives from many of the Sydney Hashes, all together totally an impressive Eighty.
Just for some thing different, with such a Mob to cope with, The French Concotion cunningly offered a Continental Concoction. A Run, A Serious Run, A Fucking Serious Run and Several Walks which allowed the Drunks, Drinkers and the Generally Over-Festive Majority to trek off into the interior carrying recovery bottles of Beer, Champers and ice buckets. All started, strolled or staggered off over One Kilometer of “Quality Asphalt” before they disappeared into the delights of Boronia Park complete with earth works, checks and then on down to the Lane Cove and the Great North Track.
Frenchie made the Mob work for their sumptuous feast to come by throwing in all manner of checks, check backs and loops to keep them honest and interested. If the “On Home” up a 35 Degree Gradient brought them down to earth the bucket of bubbly soon had them floating on high again. A “normal” bucket was finally restored after supplies of the Posh Poison were acquired from the local WildFlower Distributers. All then ajoined to the well-known delights of the Il Bolognese, well not quite all. For“Licorice Nipples” was missing.
The Harriettt who went by this beguiling name was described as Middle-Aged (they are all Middle-Aged) a somewhat corpulent indentity, resplendent in knee high hiking boots, equipped with snake bite oil, a rat catcher’s hunting dog and a Hamster on a lead. With such an array of repellents, what had we to worry about. Madame Licorice Nipples was safe from any unsuspected attacks from men, snakes or dogs. What else was there lurking out in the bush ?
Many hours later, someone answering that description was turned in at the Field of Mars Police Station. Or was it the Wildlife Refuge ?
Meanwhile back at the Il Bolognese, the red wine and assorted pasta, poured down the ravening gullets in rapid streams, that old Hash men are so familar.
Top Run and a great venue to open the New Year.
ALTERNATIVE RUN REPORT FOR THE GLUTTONS
Your regular scribe has problems with Tuesdays. It seems that Naploeon died on a Tuesday so Major D refuses to enjoy those days. Your back-up scribes writes….
Run 2322 was last Tuesday when your overachieving committee staged yet another brilliant run.
This was a joint run with representation from the Larrilins, Harriettes, Northern Beaches, North Shore Wankers, and Brisbane.
70 hashers and three dogs started the run, 69 and one dog finished it.
Once in Boronia Park there was amaze of trails and what seemed to be a proliferation of choices for the walkers. Even the runners were forced to run on what seemed to be a walkers only section. Despite the numerous choices for walkers one portly lady was so busy fluffing over her two fussy mutts that she wandered onto the runners trail and was never seen again.
The run (for runners) continued on down to the water, then in an anti-clockwise loop through Buffalo Creek Reserve, across Pittwater Rd into Field of Mars Reserve, and back home up Thompson St. Excellent use of the available bush for a run so close to town.
La Bolognese as usual did us proud. Though it was a pity that of the 70 odd runners only 40 chose to sit down and eat with us. Their loss as the supply of pasta and pizza seemed endless.
Down-downs for the hares Frenchie and Duckweave, for the GM substitutes, for a couple of visitors from Washington DC, and for a virgin runner joining the Harriettes.
Humour from Tic-Toc and others.
All-in-all a most enjoyable evening, and a welcome change from the usual faces.
It was a pity so many of our guys chose not to attend. Some indeed mooched.
In the spirit of “growing younger”, this committee’s theme, try doing something different each week rather than rolling mindlessly along the same grooves.
Next week, Run 2323, Hares Pilko and Menstrual Man, challenge you to climb Mt Kuring-Gai.
Assemble with ropes and pitons at the base camp, end of Mundowi Road, off Beaumont Rd.
I understand tha the menu, courtesy Pilko, will be
Nibbles – Chips
Entree – Potato salad
Mains – New potatoes with butter, parsley and Pommes Frites
Dessert – Baked potatoes with cream
All washed down with Pilko’s famous cruchy mashed potatoes
On-On
LCL