The BIG W’s at Special K             

It’s always a worry when you see the hares limping in bloodied and blackened at the start of the run.  First Wanker, grazed and blackened, and a few minutes later Wrappa tried nonchalantly to slip past unnoticed along parked cars on the side of McCarrs Creek Road, totally sweaty, battered and buggered.  “Ohhhh shit…..it’s going to be one of those runs ..ehhh?”

 Never mind…this is Special ‘K’ Cuntry (Ku-ring-gai Chase) which has numerous trail permutations, and it’s all real bush.  Plus the Duckhole picnic site is an old time favourite for us hashers.  As always at this venue Benny takes his post run ablutions near ‘The Bridge Over Babbling Waters’ so it doesn’t get much better or musical than that. I’m referring to the creek NOT Benny, for Christ Sake!.

On the dot of half past six, Salty scratches the first arrow on the ground and shouts to the pack to turn right and run up the hill “Jack n’ Jill’.  And so we’re ‘orrff’ with the usual front runners setting a pace into the setting sun.  An early falsie has 3 or 4 sucked in but Super, Little Shit and Changi are not deceived for a moment and so we pant our way uphill on a fire trail…..UNTIL….at the very top we swing hard left straight into blackened and burned out scrub.  Adding insult to injury the BIG W Bros hadn’t tried to make even a semblance of a trail through this scratchy, sooty, prickly shit.  No golden machete wielding by our wanking hares.  Not even a nail-cutters’ worth of clipping work.  So we dodged, weaved and bludgeoned our way through this charcoal infested landscape.  Even environmentally sensitive Moishe got the shits and blew his snotty and sooted nose on the toilet marker paper dangling from the former Tea Tree bushes. “Waste not, want not” is the moto isn’t it?

Then down a loooong steep hill and into a valley where a ‘Mr Money Maker’ had a lovely new grey weatherboard homestead spread. He came out onto his front lawn see a rabble of rabid, grey haired old buggers running and shouting their way out of the burned out bush.  Had he only known, he would undoubtedly have had a bucket of coldies waiting for Menstrual Man and Pilko and their merry band of fire fighters (and us too maybe) who saved his beautiful spread from being razed to the ground when a hazard reduction fire got out of control a few weeks ago on the hill we had just descended.  But then the SH3 is full of quiet achievers but also some noisy no-good doers.  But more on our Menstrual’s quiet international achievements later.

Just as the start of the run had been on wide open fire trails, the last stretch was down and through a series of long, low hobbit sized tunnels through thick bushes and undergrowth.  Interesting; it was as perfect in height for Little Shit as it would have been a pain for Centrepoint to lower his lofty stature to get through.  Poetic justice really…..CP had lowered his own decade’s long sartorial running standards and donned a tasteless and collarless Mission Brown coloured ‘T’ shirt for the run.  He must be going soft headed in his twilight years!

Again this week there must have been a quite a number of checks (sic) in the mail, as the front runners popped out of the bush and onto McCarrs Creek Road in 45 to 50 minutes, not 150 metres from the bucket, whilst the back of pack came trotting in just before and just after, nightfall.  Well timed and a pleasant run on a beautiful evening.  Meanwhile the remnants of your ever caring committee had stayed behind to exercise their culinary skills to satisfy the hunger pangs of 50 or more.  Methinks they have been watching Jamie Oliver’s TV series on “30 Minute Gourmet Meals” but because there were so many to feed, it took at least an hour or more.  Another top feed for the pack…this time with “Pok” or Piggy steaks with more variations on salads and condiments.

You know that the SH3 is a truly POSH organization when even hash-handles have now become double barreled – the preserve and privilege of only the elite and aristocracy.  The ever irksome, pop-up, Jack-in-the-Box, Know-it- all, Show-n’-Tell, E-Shit has been renamed according to how he is most commonly and endearingly referred to by our fellow hashmen…….namely ….“FuckOff-E.Shit”.

It has a certain ring about it, don’t you think?

Your Hash Journo

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