Back to the Future with an Aerodynamics Genius and a Fanatical Financial Money Magnet _______________________________________________________________
It’s a real wonder that we can enjoy such varied and contrasting runs around Sydney. But it also takes sizzling minds and dubious brains. In fact it actually requires mad geniuses and fanatical money minders, just as we had last Monday.
The venue was once an agricultural small holding with a homestead or ‘ranch’, as the Yankee Doodles would call it; later being rebuilt into the El Rancho….a watering hole and food barn for the low life of inner western Sydney-siders. Then it POSH’ed up its image and renamed itself The R A N C H for the growing number of “effluent” residents in the neighbourhood. My My, how impressive is that?
This was also run in memorium for our late and loved mate Coupla Weeks who was to have been our hare for the night. Luckily our very own mad Aerodynamics Genius stepped in and added his high flying touch for the night. But more on our mad genius and his money magnet mate later.
And with the witching hour of 6.30pm, 45 to 50 hashing libidos, egos and buckets of testosterone trundled their way into the dark across wet shiny tarmac, as there had been a sprinkling of rain shortly before the run start. Even the walkers looked intent of doing something like perambulating for the best part of an hour.
S Bendzzz tried to imitate, as closely as possible, the purposeful stride of Johnny Walker, famed of Scotch Whisky, but really, the spreading weight and not having a top hat or cream breaches was a dead give away.
The others pretended to run, until just out of site from the start, where were they were lured into a pedestrian underpass under the Epping Highway with the thought that they might be going back to Uni…Macquarie Uni. with the a choice of spunky lasses in their dreams of their youth. Sadly it seems that not many wanted to go back Uni,…. hardship living with only a few skimpy dollars in their pocket and clapped out bicycles for their transport put paid to that notion. Besides there was a check back which kept them on the south side of the Epping Highway.
The hares had scouted and marked out a trail using a series pocket parks, mini reserves, lane ways and side streets to keep the boys distracted and excercised for the best part of an hour. Sounds a little like the happenings in a cheap bordello, ..what?
It seems most probable that the hares has used a devious aerial device to pick out all the little twists and turns to keep the pack off the highways and byways …Because that just what they did.
Our Mad aerodynamic genius had launched himself into the sky using the most modern sky lifting devices known to hashing intelligentia to pick out the trail for the night. He merely lived up to his name (or is that namesake?). Up, Up and away in a …friggin …….BOX KITE.
Such is the mad genius of this Hashman he even invented the first flying plane using a series of Box Kites strung together and all powered by tying and twisting thousands of prototype heavy duty rubber condoms together to power a couple of little propellers.
Now, like all prototypes there are always those who will muscle in on a claim to make it their own,…… like of course another Pommie bastard called Lawrence Hargrave, who seeing the endless possibilities of opening up this antipodean land, emigrated to Australia, as part of his attempt to develop a manned flying machine.
Hargrave also linked several of his box kites together which he called Hargrave cells, creating sufficient lift for him to fly a whopping 16 ft (4.9 m) off the ground. This it was not nearly as good as the height which our own Box Kite achieved. But funnily enough, Lawrence Hargrave also looks like our own Box Kite when he is sporting his Clint Eastwood styled stubble, which he does from time to time. Refer to “Hash House Wiskas” report of 22nd April 2013.
Box Kite with …..errrr well his very first Box Kite prototype and as Box Kite will look like in a few years time …with a tie
Now…….Constructing box kites and funding a bird’s eye view of North Ryde from this dastardly machine was a deadly expensive venture and of course he required some of the old hard stuff from the bank, didn’t he?
So who did he turn to? His good and wealthy mate the one and only Fanatical Financial Money Magnet or Banker Wanker. We all know that it’s a sport to bag these banker Wanker types….like the following definition: –
Any one of the million or so neat neck-tied New York, Sydney, London or San Fran bankers, traders, and/or fast talking financial types who troll hip, posh bars or clubs claiming to actually be interested in art, culture, and the human condition when hitting on women otherwise way out of their league, but for their singular monetary standing. Usually spawned from one of those toff type universities.
But there is an exception to this rule and that is the Hash House POSH banker …a man whose substantial influence extends all the way to the Federal Treasury itself. Who else could get Box Kite’s personal image plastered all over a $20-00 note? No less than our very own Fanatical Financial Money Magnet or Banker Wanker mate. What a champion, and what a resource to the POSH hash.
And so with a good jaunt behind their legs and no complaints about the trail markings or where they had been, the boys dribbled back to the bucket with barely a bead of sweat between them. And this is meant to be a running club…..right? Obviously they’ve running away from what might be construed as too much hard work and exercise.
Now the cunning of the Banker Boy also shone through. Judging well, he surmised that the average age of the POSH was ………let’s put it this way…in the “Seniors Group”. And so they lined up picking out their favourite meal and the young blond floosy behind the till didn’t even bother to ask most of them for their Senior’s Cards…….she knew instantly that they were soooooo damn old that each of them could easily be her grandfather, or even greatgrandfather, except that young strapling, Plunger who had to borrow a Seniors card to ensure that his meal would not cost more than a handsome $8-50.
Scud, who spat the dummy last week for fear of the price and slow service had to wait…but it paid off big dividends. The roast of the day was piled up high on his plate with so much meat that it counterbalanced all the ‘do goodie vegetarians’ back in Balmain and Glebe. Rotund is a word that might have described him well at the end of his evening’s gorge.
The other half of the evening was just as important as all of the above put together. The Jessup (Coupla Weeks’) family all came out in force to join us. Such a lovely family. The group included, James, Lisa, Sarah daughter in laws, grand children, nephew Richard et al. Presided, of course, by Janice. Most joined us on the run as well as in the restaurant. There were so many, they virtually filled their own table. Sadly Andrew and his son Coupla Days (William) had already returned to France…but the rest were there for us all to remember our lost mate Arthur who should have been the main hare for the night.
S Bendzzzz had raided the hash locker and finding all the hash T shirts that no one else wanted, he decked them out in Pale Blue Christmas shirts with one size fits all. And even if some of the shirts came down to their knees, they all looked a treat and they have become honoury POSH hashing ‘persons’ with a standing invite to join us on any run they wish to attend. They have been implored to experience the real hashing treat during the summer months.
Your Hash Journo
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