The Myth of the Turramurra Tooth Fairy
Once upon a time (when we woz very young) in a faraway land, with castles grand, there lived a handsome young dentist in a shining mansion high on Turramurra Hill. He had everything his heart desired, and all of life’s problems did not exist, but he became bored shitless in “Perfect Fairy Land” and so he struck upon the idea that he could make a name for himself by employing the local fairies to make the children of this fair land happy and smiling.
Now we all know what his idea was …..When the
milk teeth fall out, these kiddies should go to sleep
with their tooth under the pillow (in a matchbox)
and during the night the Tooth fairy slips a small
gift of money (a silver sixpence or a couple of
dollars) in exchange for the fallen tooth.
Some tooth fairies even leave trails of glitter on
the floor representing fairy dust.
For generations kiddy-winks have bought this storey, just like Santa Claus et al, and have gone to sleep in the blissful knowledge that they will wake up rich courtesy of their dream Tinkerbelle tooth fairy.
The dreamlike tooth fairy slips a small gift of money
A sweet Tinkerbelle fairy
However those kiddies who try to stay awake to catch the Tinkerbelle type fairy in her act will have their innocent dreams instantly and utterly …
Doubtless they will see who the REAL fairy is…and it’s no sweet sight……
Yep….It’s that fat ugly Pappa Fairy in some bloody awful, hideous, outfit
Aghhhhhhhh !!!!!!!!
Thankfully not all kiddies ruin their childhood dreams. As we grew older a few maturing fantasies develop with libidos and hormones in high supply and high demand. And so our tooth fairies become not just innocent young Tinkerbelles, but morph into outright gorgeous seductive nymphs…..ready to pay you in kind for any old tooth. … And not just a little sexy to boot.
Now these are sweet dreams indeed.
Later…much later ….as we age with the ravages of time, with too much chocolate, grog, wenching, rugby, hashing, and downright dirty debauchery, we feel the impact on our health and in particular our pearly snappers. It’s then that the old tooth fairy becomes not just a little sinister, actually downright savage …….doesn’t she?
THAT fucking fairy ain’t so fairy after all …… She’s there to remove our last remaining snappers without consent…And wot’s worse; we generally have to pay some flippin’ dentist to do the painful deed.
Step forward our Hash Mate, a root canal specialist where it doesn’t hurt him one bit as he pulls and yanks out our last remaining chocks of ivory. And so it was last Monday when our in-house hash Tooth Fairy made us pay for our aging sins around Turramurra Hill.
As winter runs go it wasn’t a bad run at all, a few suburban streets with not just a few check backs to keep the overly enthusiastic like Cinders and Super in control. We woz lulled into thinking that it was going to be an easy “stroll in the park” for the first half or so, but as we worked our way around and especially towards the end, our torturous Tooth Fairy had selected some testing hills. There really wasn’t much sensitivity on the topography of the run…But how much sensitivity would you expect from a bloke who has spent 40 years of core boring and canal rooting molars and tooth pulling. If there were any runners left by the end of the evening, I certainly didn’t see them.
Indeed I was given to thinking that this run was little to do with Fairies and Teeth but much, much more about Fats Domino’s famed song ……On Blueberry Hill… better still -renamed for the night as “On Turramurra Hill” which goes something like this……..
I found my thrill on Turramurra Hill
On Turramurra Hill where I found you
My heart stood still on Turramurra Hill (sic)
And lingered till my dreams came true……at the bucket (sic)
Struggling up some of those hills sure made a few (including me) feel as portly as Fats Domino himself.
Our resident native fauna, Messrs Goanna and Wombat dressed identically, and physically from behind, they looked like twin brothers. Indeed their conjoined and twinned profile cast long and wide shadows across the road from the street lights.
Breaking his well established traditions and protocols Tic-Toc not only arrived on time but also stayed with the pack all the way around. Perhaps this was more to do with the stand in TM Super Glue whilst Salty called in injured, but not injured enough to walk the runners trail.
Those who put in the hard yards around the trail were amply rewarded by our honouree Korean Dentist, suitably called “Kim”. Clearly his close Korean association (with GAMA Korean BBQ) secured some of the best restaurant tucker this winter season. Not only But also……..excellent quality, and lots of it. About 45 stuffed and happy hashmen waddled their way home. A hard hilly run rewarded with a top meal and first call On-On.
Perhaps “our” tooth fairy has found a new talent after quitting his old day time job….. On-On restaurant hunting.
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