RUN REPORT DECEMBER 23 / WAHROONGA / PEDANTIC & formerly LAST CARD LOUIS.
’Twas two nights before Christmas
When all through the bush
Hash creatures were seeking
Port, tits and tush
Sure it was a challenge, but what’d you expect from two such thoroughly experienced trail blazers as Pedanal Circumlocution (to give him is whole name), and the Poshman formerly known as Last Card Louis? Leaping down the newly rough-hewn concreted fire track from Daly Avenue, front-running walkers and runners, Hill of Grace, Scotsman, one of the Shits (the good-looking one), and Khyber pirouetted left then right, left, left, then right like Mao’s Last Dancer troupe. Ku-Ring-Gai Chase presented beautifully, almost creaming the jeans of San Francisco, King Arthur and SunhypenatedBends. They stumped on lightly marvelling at the walkers’ trail as it headed down genteel terrain towards Eric Evans Park, to Fraserjolly good fellow Park.
The athletic lot, among them Goanna, Calici, Smiley and Sheepdip continued to follow the trail laid by card-carrying the former Last Card Louis, lobbing the last of his erstwhile cards, headed deep into the Valley of Doom then up-seiled the escarpment, without benefit of equipment save powerful legs and fearless adhesion. Grape leapt the creek and was not spotted again until he lighted upon what he thought was Middle Eartha Kitt, but in this desolation of smaug, a bodily excretion, was in fact the home of the fearsome wood-elves from the Dwarf Kingdom of Erebor, or Hobbit hole, secreting not one but two Christmas Elves, Maid Marion* and Three Swigs* dressed skimpily in gossamer garb, serving to the panting and wet visitors no less than port from Portugal and cake from Kakadu, and tasty buns.
Hospitality kept on coming..the bucket being accompanied by Jungle Jim’s signature finger food, Brazilian chicken wings, completely devoid of plumage. (The remainder of each chicken that devoted its wings to our Christmas enjoyment, waited patiently in its free-range shoebox for its next noblesse oblige…perhaps fricassee of giblets).
With Hanoi Bill eagerly anticipating the return of his licence on Boxing Day (shame the RTA is closed that day) he has now mellowed on how badly done by he was when he lost the damn thing over an attempted speeding violation. (Scud has had all his lost points restored…nah-nee-nah-nee-naaah-nah). But these diversions gave the All-Star committee just the moments needed to produce a staggeringly tasty spread from the Hungry Jungle and Pickled Pilko Kitchens, featuring Turkish turkey, Hamburg ham, Potomac potatoes, Puma pumpkin, Amy Whitehouse white-breaded whiteshit, achacha and cranberry dressing, followed by Jungle’s bejuiced Christmas pudding smothered in Gillette sweetened shaving cream with Dairy Farmers full cholesterol custard. The latter inspired SunhyphenatedBends to a most tasteful joke from Joburg, particularly appreciated by the ladies, er Honorary Poshmen, of a digitized custard, told to him by Archbishop Desmond TuTu. Other humour that almost brought the rain down was issued by Woody Litter, Jungle Jim (yes, the same) and TToc.
Our visitor from Canberra was Pollywaffle, who claimed he enjoyed talking to Frenchie..and so he would. The honeyed-tongued Copraphilia paid us his annual visit to implore Hash parishioners, even the atheists to focus their powers on praying for rain. Long dry spells are the swarm enemy of bees. In the key of B an outstanding rendition of Let it Teem, Let it Teem by the Bee-tles, resulted in a fine fall in Wahroonga…what stung was that it was not quite close enough to Dungog. Another charitable act: one of our biggest Shits, E,volunteered to take the leftover Christmas banquet to be distributed among the poor people of McMahons Point, with the possibility of a sumptuous bubble‘n’squeak being created by the resigned Mrs E-Shit for Men’s Shed enjoyment.
With the gates of the Pedantic one’s Mullions of Kintore securely locked preventing early departures, thePosh Players, Calici, Centrepoint, Jungle, Music, Scud, TToc and Kitty aka Woody presented The 12 Days of Hashmas to an enthralled 50-strong audience. Gates remained locked while a further selection of Yuletide favorites from the group’s latest album were shared..it threatens to go bullet on the charts. Gates were finally flung open to avoid possible panic…
…And they heard us exclaim As they drove out of sight
Happy Christmas to all
And to all a goodnight
*Not their real names.