Hares: Nautilus and Menstrual at Galston, Menstrual Runs, Nautilus Rigs, Jock Socks…, but who pays the piper… Thx Jungle. The Hash (at the) Gorge
Google Earth : Run 2273
POSH Tribune MEMO
Bwana Matata,
The SH3 POSH hashers sound like a right royal bunch of hedonistic, irreligious dick swinging, dead heads. According to your last despatch, even that ripe old octogenarian Darwin Don is now rattling away with some spunky young thing and is giving Hugh Hefner (4 years his junior) more than a match to for his immense stash of cash. Of course, I refer you the scandalous newspaper headline in the SMH on 27-12-2010 “Playboy Hefner gets engaged to a Playmate” and goes on to say that… “84-year-old Playboy tycoon Hugh Hefner said on Sunday (27th December 2010) he had proposed to his girlfriend Crystal Harris, a former ‘Playmate of the Month’ 60 years his junior”.
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Playboy Hefner gets engaged to a Playmate Crystal Harris December 27, 2010
Is there no decency left in the hash? Are there no standards or any members who have an ounce of religious or moral fibre amongst this paltry lot?
Douglas, you bitter and jealous old bugger
Just because aged gents like Darwin and Heffy have chick pulling power doesn’t mean that you should become moralistic and religious all of a sudden. You should understand that the Posh SH3 was established especially to get away from “her indoors” and to have a great time. Life is way too short to be sanctimonious, obviously like yourself. It’s about time you got real and started to understand and enjoy life. This bunch of misfits is actually beginning to teach me a few things about how to enjoy life.
But just to give you a little pastoral comfort, there is one Hashman who is the pinnacle of religious bearing and piousness. His hash name says it all really. His name is God Knows. Now how much closer to our Good Maker can you get than that?
Although a close mate of Darwin Don (well in age actually) ….. he doesn’t have a young lady of 55 years his junior on his arm, but Heis now the world’s longest serving and active hashman (50 + years and still panting). Above all God Knows is a totally modest man.
For instance, he would never, ever tell anyone that he started the Kuching Hash, which incidentally hosted the Interhash in 2010. You would have to use Guantanamo Bay tried and tested water boarding techniques to extract that information from him.
He would never, ever tell anyone about the sexual group trysts that he enjoyed as a young hashman in Malaya and Singapore back in the 1950’s and 1960’s when you weren’t even a twinkle in your licentious Daddy’s eyes. God Forbid! God Knows would never have succumbed to the pleasures of sumptuous Asian flesh. Absolutely not with a name like that.
God Knows has never cavorted with any of the Harriettes. Not even with the more comely (or is that cumly) matrons, no matter how well-endowed and personally hospitable. Nope! … God Knows is way too decent and upstanding sort of chap to fall for any such bodily distractions.
God Knows also has another alter ego- “Lord Horatio Nelson”. He has been known to clear the decks in Thai Restaurants in Moocher territory (more on this surly and growing group of miscreants in later despatches). There are also rumours that he requested of a fellow Hashman to “Kiss me Hardy”. I’m still trying to identify the said “Hardy”, however by Hash law he should not exist under Rule 1 of the Hash. (Read despatch on Last Card Louis). How Lord Nelson survives under this law only God Knows.
Instead God Knows enjoys his life in genteel retirement by playing with his highly sophisticated and complex ‘Choo Choo’ train set quietly at home. You see his other passion in life (other than hashing) is re-living his childhood passions from the Indian Empire and as an upright dapper young English schoolboy, with grey flappy flannel shorts, shoulder leather satchel, skilled in the riveting sport of ‘train spotting’. Not that the trains were spotty… just the school boys’ faces, including dear little adolescent God Knows.
Naturally enough when he made his whopper model railway set, he chose Stafford Station circa 1962 as it replicated that brief period when steam, diesel and electric could all be seen choofing, growling and whirring away at the same time. All his model trains reflect the same means of locomotion. As well, the motor cars and little model people in the surrounding landscape are of the same vintage and dress code; …..just like dear God Knows who is regularly seen in his tweed jacket and ‘gore blimey’ cap.
The real Lord Nelson was NOT renowned for his story telling and bawdy jokes, and NOR is God Knows, although he would like to think otherwise. Some people have that inborn sense of timing, delivery and snappy recount of the punch line to make even an ordinary joke really funny. God Knows is NOT one of those people.
His long term memory of plain bad schoolboy jokes are just “Not On” at On-On’s. The “Booos” and groans from the floor say it all.
So ….I suppose that God Knows could be summed up as in Bob Dylan’s song also of the 1960’s period and of the same name: –
“God knows you ain’t pretty God knows it’s true God knows there ain’t anybody Ever gonna take the place of you”So, Dubious Douglas I hope that you are now suitably comforted by the above hashman’s impeccable credentials. However if they were all as pious as God Knows I can tell you that I wouldn’t have a job on my hands and what despatches could be filed with the Posh Tribune would be as boring as bat shit.
Yours in Complete Boredom
Bwana Matata
God Knows aka Lord Horatio Nelson
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A younger God Knows still complete with both arms and eyes.
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God Knows regressing into retirement play time
Report of 2273, 17 January 2011_____________
A Scramble Down and a Sweat Up Galston Gorge
A hot, sweaty, steamy afternoon was thankfully blown away by a cool, cloudy southerly breeze by 6.30pm.
The Royal navy boys, or is it “hello matelots” aka Commodore and Nautilus led us out from Montview Oval, a mere hop, skip & jump from Commodore’s domestic HQ. And down and down we went further towards Berowra Creek …a trail well known to many seasoned Hashmen. But it’s all great summer hashing country even if the checks didn’t hold the pack for long.
The scenery is great and the hares made the most of keeping the pack guessing especially the check back before a long trail towards Galston Gorge Bridge. Le Merde Petit sniffed the rat and took us up a devious cleavage in the rocks complete with rope for the gentry and “less abled”. And there was more rope later with an improperly tied bowline knot. Clearly the RAAN standards are slipping.
Nureyev thought he heard bagpipes in the far distance. As we crossed the (Galston) road, there was the fat piper cleaning out spittle from his pipes and bags ready for the next blow to call on the back runners. The last time the pack was entertained by a piper was on a Christmas Run on the Sphinx Track some 12 or 14 years ago. And then we were treated to a sexy, nubile topless 18 year old serving us port and Christmas cake at the top of the hill. But no such luck this time.
And then on the last stretch towards home we were really left guessing from a choice of at least 3 trails. I’m reliably informed by the Grape Trailing Master that the trail markings had been sabotaged and not even he could remember from 24 hours previously where the trail actually went. The homing instinct within most hashmen kicked in and we soon found our way back onto Galston Road and a mere 200 metres from home.
A really good summer run in great country. Nautilus’ second summer run setting this season
The TM’s Run Marks.
Keeping pack together 3/5
Trail Marking 4/5 (except where sabotaged)
Trail interest 4/5
Moocher attraction 3/5_No longer relevant so awarded 3 because they didn’t show up
Total 14
More Cold Cut Food for our Feeding Frenzy
Good food is always appreciated and the hares turned on a simple but very appetising On-On dinner of sliced and chunky ham off the bone, choice of salads, even beetroot, condiments galore and buttered bread rolls just to fill the tummy crevices. And plenty seconds for the guzzlers.
Our senior stalwart, Darwin Don, muttered that it was about time we had a hot meal this summer. Not even last Christmas dinner was hot, and certainly Tic-Toc’s ‘Thanksgiving fiasco’ was not just cold…it was bloody freezing. One must always respect the opinion of one’s elders, so the hares for the next 2 runs have lined up some really good hot tucker for us.
The promised sticky date pudding miraculously turned into Christmas pud with ice cream, but with only small portions because it was deemed “rich and filling” and not good for over 60 year olds. Which it was.
Our President was missing in action. Recceing in Mudgee, so we’re told, so Jock filled the Pressie’s large boots and almost fell in. And he forgot the disciplinary cane (for E-shit) as well as the punch line of whatever it was he was trying to tell us. But nobody cared anyway.
Next Week’s Run 2278 24 January 2011
Hares: XXXX or is it 4X or even X4 ?
Location: Allan Small Park on Saiala Road, East Killara
On-On: On Site
The Menu: A hot meal of steak, new spuds boiled with fresh mint, served with sour-cream and diced chives, and vegies, warmed baguettes, followed by a special dessert with whipped cream and washed down with a “sticky wine”
Entertainment Rumour also has it that there will be a gorgeous young lady to keep the boys ‘happy’ during and after the meal.