The Sydney Majority Hareld
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First Run 1967 O N O N . A L W A Y S . Number 2443 April 28, 2014
RUN REPORT – TURRAMURRA/ THE LONE MAJOR (DISASTER DISASTER)
The landing at Gilroy Lane car park (28 April 2014), also known as The Landing among like-minded Coves, and to the Turks and Indians as the Bak Dor Loo, was part of the oblivious invasion of the Turramurra Peninsula by the forces of the distinguished Posh Hash Brigade which began the land, damp puddles, concrete, and macadam phase of the Major Disaster Disaster upper North Shore’s Campaign of the Challenge of the First World Water.
The assault troops, mostly from the Sydney Hash Corps, but augmented by two visitors of note Dr Sue’s Surgeon Uncle (well, I’ll be…) volunteered by Brigadier Tyre Fruck, and Warrant Officer First Class Wagga Rodney from the Royal Banana Benders Thirsty Hash in Qld (RBBTHIQ), landed at night on the western, (Pacific Highway) side of the peninsula. They were put ashore to the north of their intended landing destination. In the darkness, the assault formations became mixed up, but the troops, ably misled by Corporal Changi (a glutton for punishment, or, as was mentioned in dispatches, Corporal Punishment a glutton for Changi) and Bombadier Bum Crack (just returned from a tour of duty with Hong Kong Commando battalion and Wing Commander Wombat–now carrying a GBH head wound that even Simpson would envy) gradually made their way inland, under increasing opposition from the residential defenders. Not long after coming ashore the Major Major Disaster plans were discarded, and the troops, notably Ground 4X Zero, Captain Bligh and Private Payling were thrown into battle piece-meal (more of that later), and received mixed orders. Armored Personnel Carrier Plunger marching in step with Rear Admirable E-Shit noted the clever rectangular strategy; terrain that took in Pentacost, Cowan and Killeaton Ridges via impenetrable nature strips, and past solid steel poles, disguised as football posts, covered in foam rubber sleeves to protect the enemy from serious injury prior to incarceration. Some, in particular, Supreme Allied Commander Musicman, and Lieutenant Colonel Ripper advanced to their pre-designated objectives while others, Brigadier Bigamist and General de Gaulle were diverted to other areas, then ordered to dig in along defensive ridge lines.
Although they failed to achieve their objectives, by nightfall the POSH had formed a bush-head, albeit much smaller than intended..which reminds the editor that Captain Kitty was unfailingly unstinting in his heroism, and deserves a Victoria Road Cross. In places they were clinging onto cliff faces with no organised defence system. Their precarious position convinced both divisional commanders, Trail Commander Moishe, and Parachute Commander Darwin (Retd.) to ask for an evacuation, but after taking advice from Royal Navy Commodore Jungle about how practicable that would be Commando Commander Wombat and his Bat Man Fred Lost Patrol decided they would stay. Deputy Supreme Commander Superhero began to hallucinate that a gorgeous damsel was in distress, having slipped on rugged ground at the corner of Boomerang and Brent. With his vast field experience attending to the wounded under combat he seconded a donkey from Captain Centrepoint and insisted on transporting said damsel to his quarters for an immediate slipadichtomy (see pic). Meanwhile Brigadier-General Grape Ape was active in another theatre, welcoming his son back from the Western Front, thus missing the action of the Major’s campaign.
Tanked Trojan TicToc was self-applauded for scaling Maclagan’s Ridge, a landmark that leads to the top of Plugge’s Plateau from Hell Spit, on its southern side. Although it is narrow and steep, it was and still is the easiest way up. It was named after Lt. Col. Sinclair-Maclagan, commander of the 3rd Brigade. No Australian commander had a greater impact on the course of the events of 25 April 1915 than Colonel Ewen Sinclair-Maclagan of the 3rd Infantry Brigade, which was the first to land. He had held doubts about the whole operation from the beginning, and the worst of these were confirmed when he saw the chaos unfolding around him.
Licking his wounds, and certainly not invited to join the boys at the mess, Lt. Col Mustafa Kemal (no relation to our own Kamal–just one name, like Jesus or Elvis—who is recognised as the Titular Tunemeister of Turramurra), went off in a huff and changed his name to Ataturk.
WO1 with GBH and joke or two. Warrant Officer First Class Wagga Rodney, the Royal Banana Benders Thirsty Hash in Qld
Troops who survived the cunningly crafted assault and fought inside the box, some 50 bloodied and bruised battlers (including General Gunner Sapper Pilko who having suffered a serious neck wound just managed to halt the Field M.O. from performing a neck amputation, after giving this battle-weary warrior a heads up), climbed one last ridge into the bivouac of the J’Ai Ho PX for splendid rations of extraordinary depth (almost 5cm) and colour (brown). Honours were awarded to Dr Sue’s Uncle and Adjutant Tyre Fruck, Visiting Officer Wagga Wagga, and of course to the Supreme Commander of Turramurra, Major Disaster Disaster (once known as The Lone Bin 389, has now been upgraded to The Lone Granger). A special honourable mention was bestowed upon Battalion Commander Bigamist (who collects Hash clashes that number 2000). Both he and VO Wagga will be attending the Wagga Wagga H3 2000th while the remainder of the troops will be encountering The Blue Mountains. Silent laughter being the order of the day, same was dispensed by Commando Commander Wombat, General (5-Star) Retd. Darwin, and TToc.
—OnOn from your East-Meets-West President Musicman and the All-Star Committee . With contributions from world-wide sources, Bigamist, Changi, Duckweave, Jack the Ripper, Kitty, Khyber, Major Disaster, Moishe, E-Shit, Simmo, and Your Choice for the excellent run maps and gems…OnOnTToc s