THE HAPPY HASH AT ST IVES BEFORE THEY FOUND OUT WHAT WAS FOR DINNER
Prior to the start of the Run, Stunning Jack’s elaborate exercises impressed some of the more elderly of the Hash. But Centrepoint who was passing by, dismissed the whole charade after a cursory glance. He said during his extensive travels in the East, it was well known that the ladies from the local brothels went through a similar routine to limber up for the nights work, and he wonder what Stunning Jack intended getting up to on the Run or later. So do we all.
Elsewhere, all were champing at the bit to get underway when it was announced that the celebrated Aboriginal Tracker, Inapertwa, had a hand in setting the Run. He was called in at the last moment to assist The Bookie and Foxface, and to introduce a little indigenous flavour to quell a dangerous Jaapie rebellion being instigated by local South African connections.
Before we did get underway, it was great to find Chastity in our midst once more, after doing it extremely tough over the past few months. Others returning to the Fold were Lurch, Rommel and unbelievingly he brought with him, Tall Story. So off we all went on what turned out to be an excellent Run, if somewhat wet under foot. The Walkers had nothing to complain about at the commencement of the Run which took them along the easily managed Cascade Track. The Runners meanwhile, veered off to the left along Upper Cambourne. For the next hour or more, both groups encountered water-a-plenty either in the shape of large pools left over from the recent deluges or serious pools forming part of the Bare Creek. All in all, there were three water crossings involved, with the major check at Bare Creek turning the Pack around. And finally the tiring Mob faced a long, long toiling climb up what seemed to be a never ending well defined fire trail home to “Dinner”.
The “cuisine” at the OnOn naturally attracted a fair amount of comment. Carefree showed enormous restraint by staying quiet and was one of the last ones to be served. In fact the queue was not only slow to form up but also extremely slow moving to receive their offerings from the Dark Continent via the St Ives Sudza & Skafu Delicatessen. The unusual “meat” contribution needs some explanation, Fry-A-Duck’s Haggis Lament Piper supplied the history to this strange concoction.
A sailing ship in the 1850’s bound for Bombay, carrying Haggis supplies for the Scottish regiments in India, was wrecked off Cape Town (The Cape of Storms). The local Bantu rummaging through the wreckage which had floated ashore, found the cases of Haggis and skinned them all. Subsequently the local authorities confiscated the lot, and turned it all over to the hungry Boers who were about to disappear opp-north on The Great Trek. They claimed the skinned Haggis’ as their own and christened them Boerewors.
A local Scottish identity, believed to be The Flying Scotsman, later confirmed this story at the On On.
But the salad was so good, that for once it ran out ! But the Jokes kept coming thick and fast. And most of them Pee Dub felt were thick.
WELL AT LEAST THE BASTARD ATE SOME OF MY SALAD
The best remark of the evening came from Jock the Sock, a New Zealander. With the famous All Blacks having finally grabbed the Rugby World Cup after it had gone missing for Twenty-Four long Years, he is eminently qualified to comment on other poor imitations of Rugby found around the World. The worse by far being the one perpetrated by the lumbering wankers in America. He said he understood why this pathetic imitation just “played” is called The Super Bowel. “Easy to explain,” said The Sock, “it is such a heap of utter Shit to watch!”
MORE GOINGS ON, PRE-RUGBY SEASON IN THE NZ
Our Canuck Correspondent was uncertain as to whether this story has a Moocher origin but after the unfortunate misadventures of the Trapper in the NZ, anything is possible. After that introduction, it is not surprising to find the location of the story is indeed, New Zealand. It concerns Pedantic, who we have not sighted for some time and this story will possibly explain why.
He has been holidaying in NZ, around the picturesque Lower Hutt district to be precise. Whilst enjoying the local sights he was taken short and headed for the nearest park to find a toilet, which are not easy to locate in the NZ.
On entering the park, there seem to be some sort of queue formed leading into a low ramshackled building, which looked promising. Unwittingly, moments later he found himself at the head of the queue being interviewed for a ‘bit-part’ in Peter Jackson’s new film “The Hobbit”. A two part follow up to the ‘Lord of The Rings’. The organisers took one look at Pedantic and enthused over his chances. They are looking for lean, languorous males with unusual ‘character faces’. Exactly which ‘character’ was not made clear to the bemused Pedantic.
As far as we understand, no one has seen him since. He has either got the part or is still looking for a toilet.
And Finally, there is Darwin. Truly Nature’s Gentleman, never likely to want to put anyone out, or comment adversely about anyone or anything. But there are limits. He took one look at the evenings offerings and decided he either had to stay out long enough to work up an appetite to cope with that lot or even more fortunate, manage to get back when there wasn’t any left. So off setting at a lively pace, unfortunately he somewhat miscalculated his running/sprinting capacity by taking on the Runners Trail. Much, much later he arrived back. All on his own. The search parties sent out totally miscalculating his stamina and bush bashing capabilities and only managed to return with an errant No-Good-Byo for all their efforts. And to make matters worse, there was still “food” available.