The Sydney Mooching Hareld
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First Run 1967 O N O N . A L W A Y S Number 2432 February 10, 2014
RUN REPORT FEBRUARY 10/ FRENCHS FOREST: AQUACTION/ JOAK THE SOAK & CALICIVAPOROUS
Manly Mermaids Moocher Magnet
Distance: 8.80km / Elevation Gain: 168m / Min Elevation: 40m / Max Elevation: 141 / Calories burnt: 854 C
Like eager fingerlings released to a lake, Bumcrack, Darwin, S Bends and Dr Jekyll slipped easily into the rhythm of strife—heading straight across Aquatic Reserve, which is actually land, just the way Hares, Joak the Soak and Calicivaporous planned it. Like a Balmoral Beach Club swimmer like Super or Swampy successfully out-swimming a shark (very hard for a shark to see through shit), Merde Minor and Eee-by-Gum Shit, and Muff with the Ripperjoined at the lip, plunged down the southern embankment and under and over the familiar aqueduct.
BTG soon had the walkers enthralled re-enacting the hilarious new Jeep commercial, then tackled the subjects of Toyota, Ford, Holden Folden, Schapelle, SPC, and “The Age of..what was it now”?. Along the challenging fire trail, Druiddisappeared up Eva’s Track and was not seen again until he returned, and was spotted exhausted at the OnOn, dozing?(see pic). Then the Hares pulled some curly ones..in particular Curl Curl Creek across which, Robbo and Bunnie leapt, and then did their best to run round circuitous Circuit Track in a effort to bring Spud and Capt Bligh to heel high up to Heath Track. At this point Scud was sipping urine from the bottle he had prepared earlier—his own, he assured those who stayed long enough to listen. Keeps him regular, almost as well as water (see below). Breath? Don’t ask.
Trailmaster Moishe, who is helping authorities with their enquiries into what constitutes a micro-sleep, bought a bottle of muscle relaxant pills.. took one and then couldn’t get the cap back on. Toothfairy was implored to describe toMaximus and Centrepoint a recent root canal excavation, which prodded Nautilus to recount his recent honeymoon experience on Myall Lakes, where there was almost a nasty mishap amidships. Apparently the honeymoon had just began when the bride of former submarine commander Nautilus was startled to hear from down below the muffled cry of “dive! dive! dive!” This of course got Muff’s attention. Turns out he was promoting next weekend’s Spectacle Island he will see to.
Not even slowing down when the trail passed a grave, er grove of retirement homes, WC, demonstrated his newly found athletic skills, bush-bashing, now free of that nasty prostate condition. Meanwhile
Smiley has a related condition,prostrate, that requires him to lie down each day until 11, before getting up just in time for his nap–the result of a dose of cellulite that affects the buttocks—Dr Jekyll advises that arse kissing—or was that clenching?–can make it better (see pic).
With a hustle of Hash legends, Philthy, Muff, Dr Jekyll and you know? Your Choice, Flasher, San Francisco,Darwin, Poly…you know ‘em, chewing the fat in anticipation of mouth-watering mermaid minge (it tastes like chicken), before settling down to a Pilko-chestrated banquet, the OnOn was a picture of Posh All-Star Committee ambience. (Pilko, Benny, Jungle and Baron von D all claim that being Joint Masters is the next best thing to being there). The BBQ was lit firstly so Pilko could dry his shorts after Curly Curly Creek—that’s the way he likes them, clean and crisp. But after serving the braised-bait-to-die-for (it tastes like chicken) drizzled with tikkatoc marinade, and accompanied by authentically-curried seasonal vegetables with fluffy, almost poofy, rice, the barbie was a devastation of rat-shit-like rancidity, covered in bacteria…but not to worry. We all came from bacteria didn’t we?
Since the price of wine has skyrocketed, you notice that no-one spills a drop these days? Well, except S Bends. Having summoned Goonshow for more wine, NOW, The Goon spat at the impertinents, S B as well as BTG and King Arthur, that The Age of Entitlement (there, that’s it) was over! (The Goon is pretty smart with repartee, he’s half bi-lingual, of course). The S then cavalierly tipped a schooner of Goonshow-selected shiraz over himself and his favorite Posh t-shirt—more evidence of his successful post-real estate career as a beer-swilling test pilot for Canadian crutches (it’s not as vulgar as it sounds, ask Kitty and Yak) and garage sale host.
King Neptune Music ceremoniously reminded us all of Peter Allen’s birthday (would have been 70!) and we all sang that musical question “By the time I get to Rio, she’ll be Eugene”. Then it was time to for an unexpected accolade. E-Shitwas keeled over to receive unprecedented appreciative applause from Posh skipper Music and the entire crew who hadn’t mutinied at that point, as he presented his stylish sterling silver Yachts & Yachting trophy mounted on a polished walnut plinth, for his glide-free yachting invention, with nearby the dinghy mounted on a custom-built caisson complete with the commemorative Spar-Lash. (Spar-Lash? Named after the noise the anchor makes when it hits the water).
Meanwhile King Arthur was claiming to be the epitome of the Macquarie Dictionary’s newest official word, Infobore..or was that Infowhore? The King is right up there with the latest Apple “i” technology, in fact he is the first in the Hash to have acquired an Apple iTit (see below.. no above that). Major Disaster Disaster revealed that there is a rumour going the rounds that Goonshow is offering bottles of Ben Ean to non-searchers of Lost Cad Louie, (the Former Last Card Louis) to ensure he isn’t found. MDD is beginning to feel he has established a President or even a Trial Master.
Humour, scintillating as ever was dispensed by PeeDub, JTR, Music, S Bends and Smiley (describing next week’s extravaganza), and Calici who, keen to convert his family chariot Merc into a Shitbox for the forthcomingMusic/TicToc/Jungle/Calici car rally entries, has started taking it to the Coles of Lane Cove shopping mall for panel beating, and beating.