The Sydney Maiming Hareld ____________ ____________________
First Run 1967 O N O N . A L W A Y S . Number 2434 February 24, 2014
RUN REPORT BAULKHAM HILLS – SHEEPDIP & MAXIMUS
If you break a leg, don’t come running to me!
Distance: 8.09km / Elevation Gain: 123m / Calories burnt: 641 C
Just a short cruise down the M2 and 40 Poshmen prepared for a splendid evening of virginal (for some) bush strung together by the Old Rolling Stone, Deep Sheep Dip and his glorious mate Maximus Gluteus. The aim? To find and apprehend a 100-ft (30m) DAM WALL.
The cruel gladiators soon had the enthusiastic Poshmen skidding and sliding down the slippery-when-dry eucalypt and anthroponius leaves over sharp and lacerative rocks and boulders, when it happened: the first of a series of stumbles, falls, trips, bashes, beats, bumps, collisions, crashes, smashes, knocks, pounds, slams,strikes, and thumps…which was Kitty. 4x back in the pack having been sorely missed lately, swept past kicking gravel and leaves in the face of Charles Atlas, and Wombat. Suddenly the usually sure-footed TTocalso grazed the gravel…while …ran over top. And all this while the pack was still searching for their designated direction: R? W? R+W? Together?
Super, calling upon his intrinsic kinetic energy (Google it) swept by. Then he, Benny and Pedantic took the lead, as though it were a race. (Pedantic chose not to bring his bitch Katie on this occasion. She is being punished. Whenever she has a drink she leaves the seat up). And talking UP…Molly, Music and Plungercame careering along Darling Mills Creek together with Centrepoint and Petit M**de..when it was on again..Le Me**e hit the corrugated granite leaving tell-tale traces of what he claims is blood squirting out of that lithe body. (Later back at the bucket Le M*r*e was seen swabbing the laceration with a saline solution, downing the remainder in one swallow to restore his much needed isotopes). Of course a feature of this punishing powerdrive was the exaggeratedly and unapologetically long false trails.
Now belting along past the confluence of Christmas Bush Creek and Excelsior Creek, TToc went for his second ground kiss, suffering an instant contusion (Trailmaster Moishe’s diagnosis—he and Smiley know all the medical terms). Help was at hand as Limping Litter appeared offering his other hand and whistling “He’s not heavy, he’s my bother”. (Later that evening, Paramedic Pilko administered an ice pack on the double-knee which then started sneezing, having caught knee-monia—another medical term, tnx Music). When once more the walkers and runners split, Your Choice, who’s often observed in this bush (maybe he’s a twitcher?) led a team of diminishing athloids, or was that diminishing team of athloids?, being Jack the Ripper, Capt Bligh, Frenchie and Goanna up, up to the precipitous ridge of Bidjigal Reserve, then down again to our old friend, hello Darling Mills Creek. Almost dark, Darling, and thanks to JTR’s flat-battery flashlight oxymoron, the trio finally inched their way towards the Holy Grail 100-ft dam wall Not. They were rewarded at the bucket by the Hares who revealed to all eager Poshmen that the goddamn wall had been moved that very day. Dam vandals. A run of singular creativity and effort and only one thing missing—that goddamn 100-ft dam wall.
With Sheep Dip and Maximus in charge, you’d be forgiven for anticipating that a Baulkham Hills OnOn banquet might feature marinated mutton done up as lamb. Or pesto pickled pork. But Executive Chef Pilko surprised all with excellent wagyu towel-dried and God Knows how long-aged beef from Peter’s of Kensington, a delicacy normally served at weddings—and grilled to perfection by a pair of presidential paws. ECP accompanied this gourmet delight with fresh country corn, boiled-in-Perrier spuds, and crusty Honore rolls. All this climaxed with a dessert to at least be maimed for if not to die for, of home-made (Hello Sara Lee) Belgian chocolat mousse and fresh calf’s cream direct from the udder. No the udder. Of course the wine personally-selected by the missing-this-week, Goonshow was superbly matched to the nuances of this wonderful repast.
The ability to laugh is what separates us from the animals, and thus humour came thick, not to mention fast, from Darwin, Frenchie, JTR, Music, Carefree, PeeDub, S Bends, TToc, and Wombat.