Grape Ape & Colonel Saunders – Storming the Bible Belt
The Run that was full of promise and lived up to the Hares Hype!!
The Hares were like expectant fathers waiting to see that their hard won efforts would be appreciated by a good size pack. There was even a rumour that the couple had camped for the night to ensure an early start to set the run.
An excellent pack of some 45 posh came from everywhere to experience the highly fancied fun set by Grape Ape and Colonel Sanders. For weeks now the dynamic duo were noticeably joined at the hip as they embarked on a gruelling training program to set Run no 2476.
Changi was racing like Stirling Moss from his City dentile mechanic’s appointment after being delayed due to the events unfolding in the city- only to pull a fetlock when he arrived due to that fact that his highly tuned body had not warmed up and faltered at the start.
Wrappa similarly had also miscalculated the travel distance and arrived late but unlike Changi, does not have a finely tuned body and ran into the bush totally unscathed from having no warm up
White Shit had finally returned after months in the mother country to the joy of Lightning, now that his web site duties had been reassigned and
Kitty Litter arrived in his Peugeot convertible with Jack the Ripper, Payling, and Virginus Illegitimus displaying his recent gold logie for completing the Balmain Fun Run and crossing the finishing line
After suffering many weeks from the self -indulgence syndrome, E Shit made a welcome return but noticeably more reserved than usual although he did take the On Sec aside and asked if Wally Grout was hiding in the shadows somewhere. However he had a plan to thwart any incursion by bringing a guest known as Big Jimmy.
Hanoi Bill and Darwin were limbering for a good training run so as it get a solid workout for the 2015 Nash Hash in Busselton WA. The pack was finally off into the beautiful Blue Gum bush, down a steep incline as Druid directed walkers ahead and runners right.
The steep decline was proving a challenge as Darwin, Hanoi and 4 X ( still in denial with his fucked knees) gingerly negotiated the steps into the valley floor below
The country was wonderful with magnificent blue gums and ferns followed a circuitous route down into the depths of the valley floor below
As usual Scotsman, Superglue, Cinders and Plunger was setting a fast along well maintained tracks. Grape and Colonel Sanders had even re-created a Kokoda bridge brought back from PNG by Grape on one of his many expeditions
Druid was now leading a group of the walkers comprising of Frenchie, Payling, Wombat, Scud and maybe his future son-in law and guest, Issac who in his first visit to the Sydney bush was marvelling at the athletic abilities of the Posh – he confided in Frenchie, “is Roger really 71?” quick as a lash Frenchie responded “ old enough to know what you would be up to at your age sonny! “
With the odour of the Westleigh shit farm swirling around, there was a long On back near the Ginger Megs sign that caught most of the pack; except of course, Little Shit who with his ever present eye for looming tricky falsey’s ,quickly found the trail and called the following pack through.
Tic Toc did not care about falsey’s and continued on just appreciating the great country.
Here is Tic Toc and Goanna with a dual selfy, in the style of the pioneering selfy guru- Kevin Rudd- he would be proud.
Further back the lame Changi, the knee fucked Pilko, Smiley and Khyber who were walking the runners trails recommended by Grape (who wanted the pack to enjoy the delights of the Westleigh bush).
Far ahead Flying Scotsman, Music Man and Calici Virus (complete with blood sucking leeches) came across some private property with threatening signs – “No Entry” and another “bush walkers fuck off, private property, you have been warned”. “could this be a fuck up to a perfect run?” thought Your Choice who was not far behind – of course, what they did not realize is that Grape had paid off the owners by offering to clear their overgrown bush surroundings with his PNG seasoned machete. This little problem was successfully negotiated, however Centre Point keen was so keen to hi-tail it out of the glaring eyes of the hostile land squatter, he fell arse over tit just to make sure his back was truly fucked up. A lucky escape with a sore elbow preventing his drinking and eating routine.
WC and White Shit also confronted the manmade barrier and did a long loop in “virgin” bush finally breaking out of the bush into open country and getting home at 7.25 to Grape’s chagrin “ Why are you back so early barked Grape – did you short cut?” A long way back Khyber was being jet propelled by his recent meal of baked beans as he and Pilko came across the house with no steps – Pilko said to Khyber,” this is private property” who then retorted – “fuck the private property; just go ahead” just as he said this, a male “head” appeared over the balcony above the unsuspecting Khyber
“Who are you? – why are you trespassing on my beautiful marijuana growing property”
“I thought a bearded man with a yellow T Shirt might have told you about us coming through” said Pilko –“
I don’t care if he was Jesus Christ – fuck off from my property “ said the “head”
The pack were close to home now with a surprise little “heart teaser” “Big Hill” before crossing over to Warrigal Drive and to home. By 7.45 most of the Posh were back at the delightful bucket enjoying the fruits of their labour and great hash country.
Obviously the Run was not that hard by looking at the “fresh as a daisy” faces of Goon Show, Centrepoint and White Shit with Colonel Sanders, the beaming hare ! 
Under the watchful eye of Le Grande Chef Grape, Ayatollah , Nautilus and the 2 committee Shits were dishing out the carefully prepared sliced smoke cured porterhouse and an assortment of salads. Last Card Louis, watching the fast disappearing food, decided the steak would be microscopic, and vamoosed home as did a few other notables. It was great to see a large turnout of some 43 Posh, tucking into tasty food as well as being served Barossa red by the new Sommelier, the Grape Ape – all under the setting sun and idyllic evening in the bush.
There was a roar of disapproval as President Pee Dub announced “the Pudding would be at your own home and you could eat as much as you like tonight” as the sounds of the laughing and raucous Kookaburras seemed quite appropriate for the evening. With a great Run in fantastic country and good tucker, the posh seemed soothed as there were down down’s for the Hares, Grape and Colonel Sanders with Centrepoint suggesting that the hares should get an extra down down for camping out overnight to be able to set the Run early!!
Music Man, ever the comedian quickly said that’s why Grape had been looking “in-tents – intense” – good one Music! Of course the evening would not be complete without having a down down to the trio of shits – E Shit, White Shit and Little Shit. Down Downs were in order for Calici ‘s 70+birthday , E Shit’s guest, Big Jimmy (what a shame seemed like a nice guy + was suffering shock after seeing Goanna with his pants down), E Shit, White Shit, Goanna, and Isaac who Peed dub explained had been associating with Scud’s daughter, Olivia, (he does look happy Scud!)
The Christmas Run was announced by Choice and Super and Ayatollah sold the whole deal for the evening for a small price increase to the applause of the Posh!! A memorable evening and thanks to the Hares for putting in a lot of work in great hashing country and to Grape for a finger linking good meal!
On On to Terry Hills next week for the highly anticipated Christmas and the return from retirement of the Hash Players !!
Your Hash Journey – Brought to you by Your Choice
Distance 6 km
Elevation Gain 211m
Calories Burnt 486
Leeches A shitload!