Druid & Smiley – The Best Run of the Year?
(Your web wanker would like to apologise for the obvious bias associated with the OnSec reporting on his run)
It is a rare that a hare has the opportunity to heap praise on himself and his co-hare which will no doubt occur in this Run Report.
As they say, it is difficult to “make a silk purse out of a sours ear “and so it was with the well- worn Hash territory of Northbridge also known as Wrappa’s patch. Many a scene of some famous Runs past and the Friday night Northbridge classic, Druid and Smiley had spent considerable time crafting a run with at least 100 m of virgin territory. The pack started arriving early on a balmy summers night as they came from know where. Grape was one of the first followed by a good smattering of visitors including James “Belt Up” Holgate – son of Chastity Belt, HKH3 , Lionel “Compost Heap”, Kowloon H3, Roger the “Cabin Boy” from the Surry hash ( looking for a cabin Mmm) , and Cuntswaddler from the North Carolina Hash.
Darwin had arrived after reading his latest Lee Child thriller from Music Man and Frenchie was chomping at the bit knowing that he was back in his familiar Northbridge haunts. Even Wrappa, King of the Northbridge territory, was keen to see that his standing would remain unchallenged from these cheeky interlopers. Little Shit, having temporary relief from his committee duties had brought Little Shit juniors for a refresher course on hashing
Goonshow, being out of character. was getting very impatient as the minute hand had struck 6.31 pm. With an enthusiastic On On the pack of some 45+ posh was heading down Baringa Road as the hares turned the pack left into Mulgarra and then a further left into Baroona, appropriately a Camaraigal aboriginal word for a place far away. The On Back caught the front runners of Scotsman, Moishe and Cinders a treat, together with many of the unsuspecting posh.
Spud re marshalled the pack back up Mulgarra to Sailors Bay road with some of the fast walkers such as Foxface and Jungle Jim setting a strong pace. Down Pyalla St they went not realizing at that point the significance of the aboriginal name meaning “pissing waters“. Changi was about to understand that indeed pissing waters was an old myth that haunted the area behind the houses behind Pyalla St as he decided to pull out the old fella and subsequently pissing waters. A disgruntled resident upon observing this custom and unbelievable sight, photographed the startled Changi exclaiming –“I would not mind if at least if was big as my husbands” – “be gone with you and never return to pissing waters”. By this time the pack led by S Bends, Music Man and Your Choice had quickly left the embarrassed and de-robed Changi and were into the Flat Rock Gully reserve and then to The Bicentennial Oval only to be caught by a clever check back that ran partly down Flat Rock Drive.
Skirting Willoughby Road the pack had hunched the likely direction of the run however it did catch a few of the front runners comprising of Goonshow, Grape, Saltpetre and Kitty Litter who were caught on an on back at Dawson Street. The run was full on through the Bicentennial Oval as Polly Unsaturated, Duckweave and Hanoi Bill noticed the hare marking of “history” on a nearby rock. Of course, it was none other than the Henry Lawson cave that was used by the famous poet from 1907 to 1919 when he would retire after a belly full of grog from the nearby hotels.
Duckweave, always the literary genius of the Hash and in typical Henry Lawson pose, proceeded to provide oratory to a few verses penned by the great man.
“WHERE’S the steward? — Bar-room steward? Berth? Oh, any berth will do —
I have left a three-pound billet just to come along with you.
Brighter shines the Star of Rovers on a world that’s growing wide,
But I think I’d give a kingdom for a glimpse of Sydney-Side.
Run of rocky shelves at sunrise, with their base on ocean’s bed;
Homes of Coogee, homes of Bondi, and the lighthouse on South Head.
For in loneliness and hardship — and with just a touch of pride —
Has my heart been taught to whisper, ‘You belong to Sydney-Side.”
After passing under the Flat Rock Road Bridge the pack came past a Smiley face check – was it Last Card Louis back again or was it an impersonator of the “Cardman of Turramurra”? At this stage the pack was in total disbelief of the claim of virgin territory until they had arrived in Tunks Park. Tyre Fruck, always the wise old man of the hash knew better – he had been in these parts many times before as he noticed the trail led up another “secret garden” trail in bushland between tunks park road and lower cliff road. “Ha Ha” he said- “virgin territory at last” as the trail skirted some pristine bushland that had now been occupied by a scrawny brush turkey which had obviously has slim picking in the Northbridge area, although it had alreadyestablished a good sized nest.
White Shit was indeed feeling a bit peckish but continued on as the runners went right on Lower Cliff Avenue and the walkers went left. Some of the runners including White Shit and Goanna were caught at the boat ramp and being unable to find the runners trail went back to join the walkers.
Tartan Bed, now in familiar territory, was striding up the steps to upper cliff Avenue and amazingly found some more golf balls to add to his vast stash in brush turkey style. The walkers, who were not getting an armchair ride this week, were confronted by a steep incline via the upper cliff road steps and it was great to see Ayatollah , grinning from ear to ear, having nearly accomplished a complete run after many months in the “wilderness”.
The Hares were waiting like expectant fathers as the time chimed 7:15. First it was Flying Scotsman followed by a unrelenting Moishe and fast finishing Cinders and Music Man as they had reached the bucket. Issac in his final run in Australia was also not far behind and just waiting for the opportunity of getting back to the UK without being chaperoned under Scud’s watchful eye. Your Choice hobbled to the finish after aggravating a hammy – ideal timing for next weeks Run. By 7:30 most of the runners were having a well deserved beer followed soon after by the walkers including Simmo, Pilko, JTR, Baron Von Drut and Calici Virus.
It was a very convivial atmosphere as the large pack descended upon the Northbridge Hotel (circa 1931), but also being mindful of the last meal disaster from 2014 ( no names no packdrill Wrappa and Yakkity). At $7 a head the boys were tucking into the Schnitzels as Pee Dub proceeded to organise the Down Downs with a new and untried innovation to help the committee’s coffers. The unsuspecting visitors now knew what the expression “your shout” was as they had to buy their own drinks as did Wombat, the birthday boy from January 4 –
The pack was in good form as it was unanimously agreed to be the Run of the Year !!- thanks Hares -all praise will be readily accepted! 
On On next weeks Run for the Little Shit and Your Choice – “return to the Major Disaster” – remember be there at 6 pm !
Your Hash Journey – where you went courtesy of Your Choice
Distance 5.83km
Elevation gain 87m
Calories burnt 268C
- Run No 2480 January 12th: Little Shit and Your Choice, General San Martin Drive, Terry Hills – Bus to start of Run: leaves at 6.15 am sharp – DON”T BE LATE!!!
- Run No 2481 January 19th: XXXX The Hare has called his Run “Unfinished Business” – corner of Warrimooo Avenue and Timbarra Road St Ives – more to be revealed by XXXX
- Run No 2882 January 25th: Joint Run – tba