SUMMER IS DEAD
The Sydney Mourning Hareld
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First Run 1967 O N O N . A L W A Y S . Number 2439 March 31, 2014
RUN REPORT – NORTH EPPING/ DRUID & SALTPETRE
Tortuous tangled bush like couch stuffing
you’d find beneath a burqa
Distance: 7.47 km / Elevation Gain: 175m / Loss: 173m / Min Elevation: 18m / Max: 103m / Calories burnt: 441 C
The summer runs, came blowin’ in – from across the sea They lingered there, so warm and fair – to run in evening breeze They lingered there, so warm and fair – to run in evening breeze All summer long, we sang a song – and ran by leaf and tree Two score and more Poshers, bid bye to summer runs…
Into bush as thick as the dark and impenetrable stuffing spilling out of a middle-eastern couch, moistened by desire (well gushing, actually, like Devlins Creek) forty of the finest troopers the Posh could muster keenly attacked the Last of The Summer Runs. Orchestrated by Druid(Driving under the Influence of Drugs, Alcohol and Medicines) and Saltpetre (Potassium nitrate aka KNO3) the run soon succumbed to a pack attack led by Poly, Payling and Frenchie, moments later stymied by a clever falsie across said Devlins Creek. Formerly Last Card Louis slithered up the steep moistness…and was never seen again..another one done and dusted (but not custard, of which more later).
Flying Virgin (who until this very run was, due to a damaged shoulder, running like an oozlum bird, the rare legendary creature found in Australian bush that when startled will take off and fly around in ever-decreasing circles until it manages to fly up itself, disappearing completely, which adds to its rarity) is now challenging the best of the best. He quickly overtook, Cinders up Whale Rock Circuit into more entanglement, until encountering the Elusive 4X, who was admiring Whale Rock, admiring 4X the whale being one of the few from the Southern Ocean that managed to escape the Konnichiwa Tanakachan Scientific Research Program. (Later 4X bid his farewell to go home and admire his tick collection which he is now sharing with Hill of Grace. By this time, rounding the tennis, hurling, curling and lacrosse arenas, and negotiating Mambara Track, Foxyand Scud were surprised to find the darting Duckweave wallowing in Duckys Waterhole (seems it was named after him when The Duck was last in the area and had stopped for a gargantuan piss flooding the countryside with the finest duck urine). This of course did not slow Plunger, Kittyand Goonshow who thundered on past, leaping the pisspond to speed back to Ron Payne Reserve. It was all Trailmaster Moishe could do to keep Tartan Bed and Baron von Drutfrom running this masterful trail again so keen were these two summer aficionados.
And then…the Last Supper, or OnOn as it is known. Featuring well-hung (settle down) prime grain-fed wagyu raised Angus beef, grilled to a turn by Jungle Blumenthel and sourced and finessed by Executive Chef Jamie Pilko, the supper was perfection itself. (Pilko is suffering an injury too..seems he got caught with a prominent part of his svelte body in the potato masher. The potato masher has been fired. The freshest salads were sourced by Wanker and doused in his very own cream fluid dressing to give it body. Dessert of seasonal melons reminded S Bendsof the true Zambian story of the guy who went to a fancy dress ball dressed as an emotion. He had his shlong in a bowl of pudding.”and claimed he was fuckin’ dis custard” (Don’t ask about his pal who was holding a pear with his dick stuck in it). Sommelier GS provided a brace of qualityMargaret River triumphant reds for every table.
Humour of the most riotous kind was dispensed by S Bends and TToc (who having just returned from the week-long bike ride with Presidential Music, Calici, Moishe, Plunger, Smiley, Flying Scotsman, Yakkity, Your Choice, Maximus, San Farancisco and Kitty, and almost Jungle, and others) conducted an auction of retired tyres and tubes. So successful was the auction that Flying Scotsman secured some at no cost and E-Shit took the rest to share with members of the Men’s Shed, re-tyred division, for morning tea or some kind of kinky bondage.