XXXX at Alan Small Park, Saiala Road, East Killara
Google Earth : Run 2274
Google Earth : Run 2274 SCB Version
POSH Tribune MEMO
Subject: Tales of the Misfits From Douglas Macaroni To Bwana Matata Date 26-01-2011 Bwana MatataReading between the lines, as every editor does, it is clearly evident that this POSH Hash group is in a critical need of some good old fashioned self discipline to correct their wayward morals and outlandish behaviour. Even that supposed pious prick God Knows is certainly no angel. And what better place to learn some steel like discipline than in the martial forces. Instead of beating themselves up on summer hash runs, a spell in the army, navy or air force would do them a power of good. Woddya reckon?
Douglas you old dead head,
You really have lost the plot haven’t you?
You will remember that I reported recently on the theme of excrement that ran through certain Hashmen (well I meant their Hash names actually). It so happens there is another theme which has come to my attention. A good number of Hashmen have strong martial connections and hence their Hash titles and ranks and former disciplinary virtues. But just like sensuously wet school girls coming out of Catholic convents, as soon as they leave their respective military services they run amok and toss all morals and self discipline out the window.
Their martial titles run across two of the three services and in various ranks. Running down the military ranks we have:-
The Admiral Lord Nelson – Otherwise referred to as ‘God Knows” in ordinary life. However I have dealt with him in my despatch last week dated 17-01-2011.
Rommel (as in Field Marshal),
Here is one of the few foreigners in the Posh Hash (if you don’t count Kiwis, Poms and Queenslanders) whose active participation in the Hash has been severely limited by his war wounds (Don’t mention the World War II ).
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General de Gaulle
An upstanding Hashman of patrician bearing, holder of many posts (mainly to support himself at the end of the On-On) and sometimes stand-in comic when Pee Dub (mentioned in an earlier despatch) is unable to deliver his lines.
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The Brigadier,
An unassuming sort of fellow, hardly noticeable in a crowd of one. I understand he is a replacement for a Hashman of the same rank who has long since gone missing in action.
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The Colonel
He is rarely seen these days as he is thought to have gone undercover in some steamy SE Asian ‘manoeuvres’ or in some closet writing completely fictitious accounts on his military exploits and/or sexploit travels or possibly the history of the Hash.
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Colonel Sanders (this is a purely honorific rank)
A man who dabbles more with real estate than chickens these days, hence his alter ego of “The Crook Chook”
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The Commodore
(Noun) pronounced commode- door. More frequently known as Menstrual Man now that he has been cashiered from the service. Tells more bawdy jokes and lusty limericks than the rest of the hash put together.
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Major Tom
The singular and distinguished airborne representative from the Royal Australian Army Air Division has exchanged the old chopper blades for two wheeled transport, which from last observation, are best kept in an upright position.
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Major Disaster
This distinctive hashman’s daring and dangerous exploits should soon have him elevated in rank to ‘Major General Disaster’ and will later become “Complete and Utter Fucking Disaster” when he leaves the service.
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Captain Bligh
Like his namesake before him has been set adrift by his crew on many a Hash sailing day for failing to provide adequate provisions (breadfruit only) on race days
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I will provide more details and salacious innuendo in further correspondence.
Your carping correspondent,
Bwana Matata
Run #2274 24th January 2011.
Alan Small Park, Saiala Road, East Killara
The Full XXXX or perhaps just three XXX ?
As most POSH hashmen know, XXXX has a habit of setting epic runs of up to four hours long. Luckily, our trusty but at times cranky Trail Master Grape intervened and instead of linking up with next weeks run at Brooklyn, the run was expurgated to a short torture course of just over an hour. At the start nobody really believed the trail of well marked chalk and flour and yet we followed like lambs to the slaughter until the trail master took pity on us and Darwin Don, now at the front, called “On-On”.
Tracking along the inevitable short stretch of bitumen we were on and down into the bush with just enough ‘on-backs’ to keep the pack together. Upon reaching the creek whose source by the smell of it was emanating from the Sydney Water sewer mains, the front runners of Music, Super Glue, Cinders and Lightening were boldly calling “ON” – a much stronger call than we would ever hear from Short Fuse.
A rather annoying runners loop found the pack trailing the walkers with, you guessed it, Darwin Don calling “ON-ON”. The route then curved its way along one of Sydney’s waterway gems. Boxkite wished he had bought his three piece #4 weight fly rod along – the scenery……. bloody magnificent!
Meanwhile, back to the torture track of well marked semi-virgin trail. The track just had to head uphill soon or was it the link to Brooklyn that we had overrun? Eventually a strong trail of unused toilet paper led us out of the valley of death and back to civilisation, only to cum across bloody Darwin Don again, this time using all three legs to scramble down a rather precipitous rock face and on home.
Back at the bucket, an unapologetic XXXX had stuffed up the Beer rations and soon ran out of beer – Damn this man! Better come good with his promise of semi naked women serving us desert on our laps!
Bush Tucker ON-ON
The promised feed of hot food with meat came forth with enough onions to hold a farting competition for 100 Hashmen. Probably the most disgusting sight that we had to bear witness to in many years was the sight of XXXX dressed as some sort of alien female impersonator with four breasts. A huge let down to the promised naked nymphs – remember XXXX always “under promises and over delivers!”
There were peas and potato with sour cream and sprinkles of parsley or was it paspalum along with real corn on the cob and a huge range of condiments including pepper and salt.
Followed by lots chocolate mud cake; just the sort of thing for a hot sultry evening.
The lack of planning by the hare in regard to running out of beer meant that all down-downs were B.Y.O.
There was one visitor, poor soul, with a calliper on one leg – probably from WW2 (see military despatches above) who was acknowledged without a ‘down-down’. Who was he? – well nobody really cared any way. Pee Dub put us in stitches with his weekly recital of poetry or was it jokes? Darwin Don made a special announcement proclaiming Tic Toc as exposing his personal life of lust and passion that had previously been private to just a small website viewing forum. Our President did a great job keeping E shit off the podium and promised he would be absent next week – we can only hope!
Larry Adler warned us about getting in early with our bookings and nights accommodation for the upcoming Mudgee weekend – memo to self “send email to Milton and BOOK in myself and partner!”
All in all a pleasant run with no lives lost
The TM’s Run Marks. POINTS
Quality of run 5 out of 5
Quality of trail setting 4 out 5
Lack of beer at the bucket Minus 2 points
Points for organising the On-On tucker Plus 4 points
Wearing disgusting alien 4X boobs Minus 3 points
Keeping recalcitrant moochers away Plus 3 points
Total 11
Next Week’s Run 2275 31 January 2011
Hares: Flying Scotsman assisted by Flasher. It is his maiden/virgin run but he (Flasher) is so nervous at being de-flowered that he part bottled out with what he calls a sprained ankle.
TM Grape has stepped in (again) to help out
Location: McKell Park end of Karoola Street, off Dangar Street which is at the end of Brooklyn Road, Brooklyn.
On-On: On-On will be just around the corner from the run start at Rudy’s café, 12 Dangar Road where locally sourced cuisine (seafood et al) will be served in a park like setting.
Brooklyn Brooklyn is renowned as a great location for summer runs, and has not been visited in many years. It covers a great variety of terrain with beach and waterfront tracks, rainforest gullies, and ridge tops with fabulous sea views. The run is to be set by a ‘Run-of-the-Year’ award winning hare..Flying Scotsman.
This run is NOT to be missed. Make the extra effort and be there
Train Time For those who are planning to come from the city or who would like
Table a real top night of local cuisine washed back with plenty of grog
the train comes all the way to the site. Here is the STA time table
DEPARTING_______________________________________________________________________
Wynyard 4.44pm on the North Shore line over Harbour Bridge., North Sydney, 4.53, Waverton 4.55, St Leonards 5.00, Chatswood 5.06, Gordon 5.12, Pymble 5.15, Turramurra 5.18, Hornsby 5.28… Change to Newcastle & Central Coast line leaving Hornsby 5.40pm
Arriving Hawksbury River (Brooklyn) 6.04
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Returning
Hornsby 9.47pm (or 10.33pm if you are lost and late.)
Arriving Hornsby at 10.13
Change to the North Shore line and head south at 10.22 for the all stops to Wynyard and beyond.